My son is obsessed with a small red-head

The Little Pirate hasn't been much of a fan of movies, TV shows, or even video games, particularly. That's not to say they don't suck him in the same way they do me - he will settle down if he gets to play with Mommy's cell phone, and he absolutely adores both Handy Manny and the Little Einsteins....but other than that, the TV being on is mostly something he ignores.

That is, until recently. My son is absolutely in love with a short red-head. No, it's not either of the two you'd think....not Red or Little Red. No, it's something much more sinister.

My son loves Strawberry Shortcake.

Yes, you read that correctly. Thing#2 has a Strawberry Shortcake DVD that runs about 5-10 minutes long, and at the end there's this song they sing about how shooing away all of the nasty crows and taking care of their plants will make things grow better. It's insidious, but it pulls his attention in a way that nothing else will. He'll be playing (or, lately fussing a lot - he's cutting three teeth right now...good times, lemme tell ya) in the living room doing his own thing, and if somebody puts that in, he'll freeze in place for the duration, glued to the TV. When the song is over, he'll sit there waving his arms while the credits roll, and then give me a goofy grin as though to say, "Play it again, Daddy!!!!"

I gotta get this kid on Transformers immediately, that's just all there is to that.

Overheard

Me: ...How about a mouse like this one, except bright green?

Little Red: Um, no?

Me: Why not?

Little Red: Because I don't need one?

Me: Why?

Little Red: Because I don't have a home?

Me: Why?

Little Red: Because you suck?

Me: Why?

Little Red: I don't frickin' know, ask your gay partner.

Red: *paralyzed with laughter* Look, he's blushing!

Me: I'm totally blogging this, you two.

Being snowed in...well, at least for Oregon

Oregon's a little strange, at least the Willamette Valley is. Other places get snow a foot deep, and it barely fazes them (at least, as long as the snowplow guys don't pile 12' of snow in Kate's yard, anyway). Salem gets a couple of inches, and people have to stay home. I reconcile it by observing that the people that aren't fazed by snow have never seen Oregonians driving in the rain.

Here's Red, Thing 1, and the Little Pirate headed out for a stroll earlier this afternoon. As I couldn't drive anywhere, I went along with the gang for the photo op.


One of the area middle schools has a hill that is simply awesome for kid-sledding. Red swiped some kid's sled, plunked the little guy on it, and took him for a ride. I think he looks bored....although he was pretty stoked when he got to the bottom and realized that it was fun.

Dinosaur's First Snow

Snow, you say?

RAWR!!!!!!!

Gratuitous baby photos, November edition

I shot both of these yesterday morning. He was sitting on Red's lap right between two picture windows, the light was great, and he was having a great time giggling. I actually had a hard time getting a decent shot of him because he wouldn't quit moving around. :)

Incoming!!!!

About an hour ago, the doc came in and broke Red's water. She now has her epidural in, and we're watching her contractions slowly ramp up - he should be arriving within the next several hours. Stay tuned....we'll be right back after these messages.

Edit: 1:45 AM 7/8/08 He's here! 8 lbs 14 oz, and 20 1/2 " long. I'll post photos later after family's had a chance to meet him. :)

Back and forth, redux

There aren't many things that will wake me up out of a dead sleep - I sleep really deeply most of the time and I usually wake up very slowly. Snooze alarms are usually a 3-time affair, and the less said about midnight runs for Taco Bell the better.

So far, things I've found that will immediately wake me to full awareness include:

1) Bare kid feet on carpet trying to sneak into our bedroom.
2) One of the cats (Snuggles, usually) pawing at the window wanting in.
3) The sound of a weight-bearing foot sliding off the carpeted stair, followed by a -=whump=- and whimper of pain.

The last was what awoke me this morning. I knew immediately who it was, too, since Red wasn't in bed, and mindful of the fact that her "official" due date is TOMORROW, this was obviously a Very Bad Thing. I got her to the hospital, of course - the doc is keeping her for a minimum of four hours, and since she's having contractions and is dilated at 4, they may just decide to get this show on the road.

One can hope, I suppose. Updates to follow!

Edit: 10:20 AM - all seems well; she's uncomfortable and sore from the tumble, but she and the Podling are both okay.

Edit: 11:30 AM - Doc is here, they're admitting her for a few more hours, and we'll be moving to a room with a jacuzzi. :)

Edit: 12:50 PM - Okay, I'm not going to keep doing hourly updates here, so don't get too excited. She's being admitted overnight, however, and they're prepping for delivery - the room we're in now is all set up for it, and she just got in the tub with a big "AAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." of relief.

Back and forth

Okay, I promised I'd post baby updates, so for those of you that have asked (being aware when Red's due date is...), here 'tis.

No baby yet.

Tuesday evening, she ate a hamburger, and evidently something about it wasn't good, because I took her in to the hospital yesterday morning with extreme nausea and abdominal cramping. We got as far as the Labor & Delivery triage room before the puking started. The attending physician decided to admit her for 24-hr observation after they realized how dehydrated she was quickly getting (9mo pregnant + dehydration = bad juju).

Anyway, she's feeling better-ish this morning, and although the doctors said it was close enough to her due date that they'd just kinda push things along if she could get going, of course he's being contrary and is happily sitting in there. I did get to see his little face yesterday - they were afraid Red had a problem with her gall bladder, so they did an ultrasound and were good enough to take a look at the Podling while they were at it. He has his mother's nose and the fattest little cheeks you ever saw.

Kid perspectives

Thing 2: Oh, hey. You got chocolate syrup at the store!
Red: Yep.
Thing 2: Did you get any ice cream to put under it?
___________________________________________

Me: (seeing Thing 1 furiously scrubbing at something in the bathroom sink) Whatcha doin?
Thing 1: (looking up with a you-stupid-adult look) Washing rocks.
-=pause=-
Me: Why....are you washing rocks?
-=pause=-
Thing 1: Because....they're dirty?

'Nudder baby update, and Overheard

So here we are in Labor & Delivery on a bright Monday morning. Red's lying here trying to pretend that her labor pangs don't really hurt that much (and simultaneously succeeding totally and failing utterly, which if you have been thru this you understand, right?). I have my laptop out and am perusing today's news, trying to find something interesting to help her keep her mind off the fact that she's in pain.

Me: Oh no!

Red: What?

Me: George Carlin died last night.

Red: Uh oh. You know what that means, don't you?

Me: No, what?

Red: If this kid's born now, he'll be born with George Carlin's soul. Just the fact that he's your son, and will be a smartass, is bad enough.

Me: I'm totally blogging that.

Edit: about 12 hours later - they sent us home, as Red wasn't "far enough" along, although since I'm no OB/GYN nurse, I have a hard time seeing how a woman in obvious pain and labor isn't "enough".

Baby update

Been a while since I posted anything about how my little guy is faring along the road to birth. Red has been in and out of labor since about 7 yesterday morning, and we were at the Labor & Delivery unit of our local hospital until about midnight last night. Things are a-movin!

Apparently, the big reason we aren't welcoming him to the world just yet is that he was facing the wrong direction (front, rather than back). Red got him flipped around last night after coming home, and I think both of them are more comfortable now. Her labor pains have eased off a bit, but she's still having regular contractions about 10 minutes apart, which hasn't changed since yesterday.

My sister suggested she do some jumping jacks - I had another suggestion I won't repeat here, and fortunately I was out of reach or she might have smacked me. I think we'll plant some things in the back yard and do some yard work out front, then maybe go for a walk....that should do it.

Overheard

Editor's note: To understand this anecdote, you must understand that when Little Red was a toddler, she absolutely LOVED spicy food - she would drink salsa straight at Mexican restaurants. After an incident at the age of 4 in which a habanero was mistaken for a cherry tomato, she refused to eat anything that was spicy, even black pepper & salt.

Me: Did you guys like the (curried turkey with lemon) soup?

Little Red: Yeah....

Red: What? You didn't like it?

Little Red: It was kinda bland.

Me: I made it a lot less spicy than I would have otherwise, because your mother's stomach can't handle food that's really spicy.

Little Red: Yeah, but I thought you were gonna make it all flavorey, like you're supposed to.

Red: Flavorey???? (laughing)

Overheard

Setting: Little Red's choir concert last night, sitting in the fourth row back with Red and Thing #1 on one side of me and Thing #2 on the other. In between two songs was this little exchange.

Thing #2: (whispering) I'm really hungry. Can I go get something out of the vending machine?

Me: (whispering) No. They won't let you leave in the middle of a performance, and I don't have any money on me anyway.

Thing #2: We could cut off your beard and dye it green. That would fool the machine.

Me: I don't think that would work so well...and I like my beard, thanks very much.

Thing #2: Your breath stinks a lot.

Me: That's because I didn't get a chance to brush my teeth since lunchtime.

Thing #2: You're a very gross man.

Gestational rhythm?

So Red, Thing 1 and Thing 2, the Podling, and I all went to watch Little Red's choir performance. It was a really impressive show - the music programs in this school district really have their act together. Along the way, we discovered something...apparently the Podling has both a good grasp on musical rhythm and likes all-male a capella groups that sing about dames. Red gasped about halfway through the performance, leaned over, and had me put my hand on her belly. "He's kicking me in time with the music!" she said. Sure enough, he was.

Neat!

Likes and dislikes

For some time now, Red and I have known that the baby enjoys music, of pretty much any kind. We've narrowed that down a bit.

He likes Beethoven, Chopin, Mozart, disco of pretty much any kind, AC/DC, Metallica, and most 80's pop rock.

He does not like the Chicken Dance song.

Overheard

Me: (calling home shortly before leaving work, to see if I need to stop at the grocery store). "..."

Thing #2: (age 7) "Hello?"

Me: "Hi there. I need to talk to your mum."

momentary pause.

Thing #2: "We're sorry, but the number you have reached has been disconnected. Please check the number and try again."

Me: (helpless laughter) "Give the phone to your mother, squirt."

(giggling)

Evil People

I firmly believe that there are some people in this world that are just no damn good. Part of this is personal experience. Part of this is professional experience. And part of it is just plain old contrariness and a lack of confidence in the general goodness of humanity.

Okay, so I'm a Grinch. Deal with it.

Red's 10-yr-old has had a friend since we moved in here, about 4 years ago. They lived just down the street, and up until this morning, they were utterly inseparable - twins, if you will, from different mothers, but as alike as any two little girls can be. Last night, Little Blond Friend's older brother ran away from home, after he called his mother something highly inappropriate to her face and was facing a well-deserved whuppin' across the ass from his dad. In their search for him, Little Blond Friend's dad came past our place to get LBF, and he was reeking of alcohol, enough so that the other friends we adults had visiting commented on the odor from nearly 20 feet away inside the house (he never came in) after he left. I spoke with LBF's mom this morning and commented on it, saying that perhaps Dad really shouldn't have been driving, and that I'd had some reservations about allowing his daughter to go with him in that condition.

Big mistake. Of sorts. She went, if I can use the term (and why not, it's my blog dammit) absolutely batshit crazy. Off the deep end. Ca-waaaazy. How dare I say that her husband would drive drunk with his daughter in the car, blah blah blah. Okay, he nearly fell down our stairs and I could smell him before I opened the door....but oh no. Anyway.

So a while later, he calls me. Now, mind you, other than the two or three breif times I've encountered the guy, and the one time Red and I made the mistake of going out for a quiet drink (or a dozen) with these two in which much hilarity did not ensue, I've hardly ever spoken with the guy. He calls me all indignant and telling me I'm not allowed to say anything to anybody, I'm way out of line calling him a drunk, etc etc ad nauseum. I told him....once....that if the only reason he'd bothered dialing my number was to get in an arguement with me, that I wasn't interested - he had obviously been drinking the night before, I noticed it, and commented on it to the other adult in the equation. That was it. I told him if he wanted to fight to save his breath.

Next words out of his mouth, "Well, no, I wasn't calling to fight with you, but I just want to let you know you'd better not say anything like that about me again, or I'll..." -=click=-

Shortly thereafter, the other adult calls and screams at my pregnant fiancee. Not a recipe for success.

Then they send over LBF, who, mind you, is all of about 12, and other than our 10-yr-old, has no friends. None. Nada. Zip. The message? "My dad says I can't be friends with you anymore, because WG was so rude to him." Red, who happened to be in earshot, corrected LBF quickly on this, giving her The Facts that she obviously hadn't gotten from her parental units, and the kid went hollering back to the car that Red said her dad was a drunk driver.

Well....yeah, actually.

So the upshot of the day was that I had a sobbing 10-yr-old girl in my lap, unable to understand why a man in his late thirties would choose to have a temper tantrum and take it out on his daughter and herself. I hope I explained it okay...at any rate, she did stop crying eventually.

The moral of the story here, I guess, is that people just suck. :(

Edit: Apparently Jeff has encountered the same phenomenon. Proof!

The guilt knife in my back

So I was ready for bed....sitting here minding my own business in my PJ's. Red and Little Red (the oldest) are sitting here watching CSI. Suddenly, Little Red sits up.

"OMG....like I totally forgot, I have to go to Wal-Mart tonight, because I forgot to get a toy for my Toys For Tots little boy, WGcanyoutakemepleasepleaseplease....." bounce bounce bounce

"Uh...." I replied snappily, looking down at my somewhat-clad self.

"Come on," Red said. "She's going to be spending her own money, you just have to drive."

"But I'm all ready for bed," I protested, thinking Blah, I gotta get up for work in the morning....

"I have to get him a toy! You don't want him to wake up Christmas morning and not have a toy do you???? He's five, and I want to get him a fire truck." persisted Little Red.

"Honey. Come on, you had a fire truck when you were a little boy, didn't you?" Red continued. She, of course, knew the answer. I'll tell you why she knows the answer to this one of these days. "Just think, this poor little boy will wake up all excited on Christmas morning, and he won't have a truck, and it'll be all your fault."

I wrote this. I posted it. Now I'll be shutting down my laptop and taking Little Red to Wal-Mart.

Redheads.

Sheesh.

Edit: On the way out was this witty exchange:

Me: "So what do I get outta this anyway?"
Little Red: "That warm fuzzy feeling in your tummy from me not punching you."

Overheard

Exchange between Little Red (Red's oldest, 13 years old), and a Very Popular Girl That Should Have Known Better:

VPGTSHKB: (Little Red), you're such a nerd. You get straight A's, and you're always studying. I'm so much more popular than you, and I've got soooo many friends than you.

Little Red: Uh huh.

VPGTSHKB: I mean, like, I've got soooo many more friends, and I'm soooo much more popular.

Little Red: Okay, I'll tell you what. In twenty years, I'll remember you were the popular one, if you can remember to get me my pizza in thirty minutes or less.

Playing in traffic

We had a couple of extra little girls here Saturday night (from our 3 to 5, all told - after a certain point, the wisest thing is to hide upstairs and only respond to the sounds of things breaking). This isn't an unusual occurrence, there are after all three girls in this house, and they all have friends. Anyway, one of said friends' family is moving to Eastern Oregon next weekend, so this was kind of a last hurrah in getting together.

So I went to take Small Friend and our youngest with me back up to Portland. Along the way, I did some minor maintenance and whatnot, putting fluids in where they were low. I got as far as just between the interchange with Highway 217, and -=bam=- serious overheating, like smoke coming from under the hood overheating. I got it off to the median side of the road, where conveniently ODOT had coned off the inside lane (plenty of shoulder space too, which is a rarity in Portland in most places).

And there we sat. A couple of friends of mine came and rescued us, but we didn't end up getting outta there until after the tow truck left at around midnight with my car. I'm missing work today so I can go fix my car (I hope) or deal with it in some other way. We'll see.

Anyway, the point of this post was that I spent several hours in a car on the side of the freeway with two little girls, and guess what the main source of humor was?

Yep.

Fart jokes.

I love kids.

Edit (later):
Replacing the water pump. Hopefully that's all it'll need, but as of right now there's no way to know. Waiting....

Edit (later still):
The news is good - water pump replaced, and it's going to need a new radiator and hoses at some point in the near future. Also had to replace a tire, unfortunately, but it was about to go kablooey, and I have had quite enough of that lately.