Fun with the phone company

I was late paying my phone/Internet bill last month, due to some other money issues (*cough* baby), and my service provider cut things off. Not just a little, mind you - cut off all outgoing calls, Internet service, etc. All of it. I paid it in full on the first of this month.

Nine days later, I'm still waiting for them to turn the damned thing back on. Oh, I've sent email after email. I've chatted with a Live Agent. I've even sent up smoke signals and sent messages by carrier pigeon. I've done....EVERYTHING...I can do. I just got off a live chat with an agent (I won't name the company, but it starts with a Q, if you're interested). Here's a paraphrased version of the conversation.

Agent: Hi, my name is Well Meaning Flunky, and I've been empowered by the company to do everything in my power to help you.
WG: Hi. I want my phone service and Internet back, please. I paid the bill.
Agent: Hi, WG. Before I can help you, I need to access your account. Is that okay?
WG: Uh, yeah. That'd be why I contacted you.
Agent: Hugs, rainbows, and fluffy bunnies.....one moment please.
Agent: Okay, WG, it appears that your phone service has been interrupted for nonpayment.
WG: That's incorrect. I paid the bill in full, and notified your company two weeks ago.
Agent: WG, did you notify us that you had paid the bill?
WG: ....
WG: Yes.
Agent: Okay, WG, I'm going to send you over to our Credit Management people, and they can help you. Just click this totally pointless link, fill out the form, and pray to whatever God you worship that we'll get back to you before the next time Halley's Comet comes around.
WG: Okay. I did this when I paid the bill, but okay.
Agent: In order to expedite your service recovery, please contact us at (phone number) from any working telephone.
WG: That'd be the whole problem, the not-having-a-phone-thing.
WG: What clueless asshat came up with that one?
Agent: I apologize for the inconvenience.
WG: It would be an inconvenience if this were the first time this had happened. Sadly, it isn't; it's happened on at least two other occasions, and I complained about it then.
Agent: Did you call us to complain?
WG: When things are working correctly, and the services I'm paying for are delivered timely, I don't make a habit of complaining, no. At the moment, I'm unable to call you at all, for reasons I'm fairly sure I've explained.
Agent: I apologize for the inconvenience. I am unable to assist you further via this chat. Please contact us at (phone number) from any working telephone for further assistance.


It went on like this for quite a while longer. Of all companies out there, I think by far the most frustrating to deal with is the phone company. I think I'm gonna switch services; paying nearly $100 a month for slow service, constant disruption of connection, phone static, and completely nonexistent customer service is ridiculous.

Update:
About an hour later, I got this gem.

Thank you for your recent e-mail inquiry to Q****.Thanks for your payment. I'm sorry but we are not able to discuss this account without first verifying that you are an authorized user. Could you call our office at 1-800-***-****(Monday-Friday, 8am-6pm) so that we can verify that you are authorized on the account?Thank you for choosing Q****. Have a great day!