News on the burger front

Like any red-blooded American male in his 30's, I like burgers. Cheeseburgers are a particular favorite, and the toppings may vary from avocados to yogurt. Variety is good....generally.

So imagine my reaction, if you will, when Red found this for me and pointed it out. My first reaction, naturally, was something along the lines of Dear God in heaven, who thought THAT was a good idea???? Moments later, I have to admit, I also thought I wonder how it tastes?

I was a band geek in high-school. My best friend (I'll call him Charger Driver) and I both played trombone, and his capacity for food was legendary. Mind you, now he's a cop and is, physically, quite a bit bigger than I am - he wrestles evildoers into submission, and I type, so it's not suprising. In high school, however, he weighed maybe 100 lbs soaking wet and carrying a pair of barbells. He redefined "skinny little white boy," even though he could consume more food in a sitting than any three other people I know put together, and if you'd ever seen some of my college buddies, you'd understand why that's really saying something.

One fine band trip, Charger Driver and I were convinced we were starving, having ridden in the middle of a smelly bus full of other teens for four hours and having finished the large bag of chips he'd brought with him within about 20 minutes of beginning the trip. At last, we stopped for food. Pretty much everybody went in the direction of the Burger King, Taco Bell, and other assorted such places, but just a bit further away was a McDonald's, and under those heavenly arches was a signboard proclaiming that "QUARTER POUNDERS W/CHEESE $1". He looked at me. I looked at him. Nothing further needed to be said, other than pooling the money the two of us had on us and bolting to be first there.

In we went, discovering that we had between us $17. We walked up to the counter, and ordered 11 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, four large $1 fries, and two $1 Cokes. The pimply-faced girl with braces behind the counter looked at the two skinny boys standing in front of her, dumbfounded, and then kept looking nervously at the doors, expecting either another group of kids to come in, or probably us to leap over the counter and begin chewing on her leather shoes. Of course, we did neither, but we did take the three trays of food they produced back to a table, and began to eat with a gusto that can only really be described in terms of industrial ore-processing machinery. I ate three of those Quarter Pounders, one Coke, and one of the large fries. Charger Driver ate the rest.

All of it.

So when I say I found a burger that I think could even satisfy him in one go, you know it's going to be something fairly impressive.

Another Christmas Tale

Okay, so I know my dad reads my blog, or at least promised he'd start. Hi, Dad. This one's for you. :)

One year, when I was about five and my little sister was two, we arranged ahead of time to make gingerbread cookies with my mom. We were industrious tots, and I at least was determined to have enough cookies to last us through the winter. (I suspect my parents habit of referring to each other in bear-related pet names had something to do with this, but I digress...) We made a double batch of my mom's gingerbread cookies, which are one of the things about the holiday season that I absolutely love.

Actually, food in general is one of the biggest things I love about the holidays, but, again, I digress.

We made the aforementioned cookies on Christmas Eve, because, well, Santa needs fresh cookies to keep him going - it's cold and (in Oregon) rainy out there. We left him quite a few, because of course the reindeer would be wanting cookies too, and I for one was not going to see Rudolph waste away! I was satisfied in my five-year-old mind that we'd left quite enough cookies for Santa and the reindeer, and wafted off to sleep convinced that cookies would be forthcoming right after (if not sneaked before) breakfast, and secure in the knowledge that loot was nigh.

Imagine my suprise the next morning, however, to find out what a greedy bastard Santa actually was. He had eaten, not only all of the many cookies my sister and I had left for him (and the milk, too), but the ENTIRE DOUBLE BATCH OF COOKIES.

All of them.

Every.

Single.

One.

Oh, there were crumbs left, of course, but not enough to even satisfy a mouse, as the Grinch story goes. I was devastated, scarred for life, and quite distraught at the wholesale carnage. The smell of them still lingered in the air, taunting us with their sweet heady aroma. I also noticed my mom and dad looking quite guilty, and I knew with the certainty only a five-year-old could possibly muster. They had failed to prevent Santa from eating all of our cookies.

I still wonder about that Christmas, you know. I can just see Santa coming in, discovering the cookies, and like a vacuum cleaner, devouring the lot with a whoosh, a chug of milk, and a twinkle in one eye. To this day, when I leave cookies for him, I hide the rest.

Just in case.

Edit: heh

Mmmmmmmmm ribs

There is nothing in this universe quite like my wife's recipe for ribs (originally that read "like my wife's ribs", but that reads entirely the wrong way), and I thought I'd share.

Take one large rack of pork or beef ribs. Remove silverskin from the back and wash. Pat dry, and put in a big pan with a dry rub:

Grill seasoning
Allspice
Ground black pepper
Salt
Seasoning salt
---proportions to taste, requires a bit of experimentation.

Rub it in & then allow to sit in the pan while the sauce is prepared in a large sauce pan:

1 bottle of Mr. Yoshida's Gourmet sauce
A couple splashes each of Yamasa soy sauce, worchestershire sauce
About 4-5 pieces of crystallized ginger, chopped fine
A handful of dried apricots, chopped fine
A small handful of dried cherries, chopped fine.
Let simmer until sauce has reduced to a thick consistency, and remove from heat.

Cook ribs over medium heat on the grill for about 30 minutes, and begin basting both sides at about 30 minute intervals. The ribs are done when the meat begins to pull away from the bone & is still soft & juicy; estimated time about 3 1/2 hours to 4 hours.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make a total pig of myself.