Kid perspectives

Thing 2: Oh, hey. You got chocolate syrup at the store!
Red: Yep.
Thing 2: Did you get any ice cream to put under it?
___________________________________________

Me: (seeing Thing 1 furiously scrubbing at something in the bathroom sink) Whatcha doin?
Thing 1: (looking up with a you-stupid-adult look) Washing rocks.
-=pause=-
Me: Why....are you washing rocks?
-=pause=-
Thing 1: Because....they're dirty?

'Nudder baby update, and Overheard

So here we are in Labor & Delivery on a bright Monday morning. Red's lying here trying to pretend that her labor pangs don't really hurt that much (and simultaneously succeeding totally and failing utterly, which if you have been thru this you understand, right?). I have my laptop out and am perusing today's news, trying to find something interesting to help her keep her mind off the fact that she's in pain.

Me: Oh no!

Red: What?

Me: George Carlin died last night.

Red: Uh oh. You know what that means, don't you?

Me: No, what?

Red: If this kid's born now, he'll be born with George Carlin's soul. Just the fact that he's your son, and will be a smartass, is bad enough.

Me: I'm totally blogging that.

Edit: about 12 hours later - they sent us home, as Red wasn't "far enough" along, although since I'm no OB/GYN nurse, I have a hard time seeing how a woman in obvious pain and labor isn't "enough".

Tagged

Kate tagged me, sharin the love. I don't know five people to tag, though, being an antisocial sort...but here goes, I'll share since it's all about Me. I'd like to point out that a number of my answers are very close to Kate's, however, I actually didn't read what she wrote before answering the questions and I think the similarity is amusing as hell.

What were you doing five years ago?
Five years ago, Red and I had cautiously extended the feelers of post-divorce attraction. She was getting divorced, and I'd just filed. The kids were living with their father, I was staying in a very small apartment on the other side of town, and had just left one very bad work situation to go to something better.

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1) Home-made tortilla chips and home-made tomatillo salsa.
2) Souls of people that piss me off.
3) Pita bread with my sister's home-made hummus (zomg that's some good stuff)
4) Sourdough toast with mayo, sun-warmed fresh tomato slices and Walla-Walla onions.
5) Chocolate chip cookies, but only the home-made ones that either Red or her oldest daughter make. (Thank God that Little Red inherited her mother's ability to bake)

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1) I'd buy my own island in the South Pacific, put a house on it, a boat dock, and all of the other assorted things to live there.
2) Learn to fly a plane and buy one.
3) Buy the homes that all of my family is living in and gift them with the deed (ie. settle their mortgage).
4) Buy toys. Lots of toys. The kind of ridiculous toys that only people who are very, very wealthy want because they can have them, not because they satisfy needs of any particular sort.
5) Hire a personal assistant to take a list of people that have annoyed me over the years and hand-deliver a personal insult directly to each of them.

What are five of your bad habits?
As I was getting ready to start this section, Red walked up behind me, laughed, and said, "I'll list them." I declined politely.
1) Apparently I snore. I don't believe it, but she says I do. No proof exists.
2) MMORPG's are a love of mine. They're addictive, time-consuming, and Red says I need a support group.
3) I can't stop myself most of the time from being brutally, bluntly, and often cruelly honest. This is particularly true when I'm dealing with officious or obnoxious bureaucrats. I do, in fact, actually get sort of a thrill from utterly verbally destroying people that piss me off, and Red says I get giddy and giggly.
4) I pontificate. I'd elaborate, but it seems unnecessary.
5) I was going to post something about procrastination, but I think I'll get back to that.

What are five places where you have lived?
1) Gold Beach, Oregon
2) Coos Bay, Oregon
3) Monmouth, Oregon
4) McMinnville, Oregon
5) Salem, Oregon

Yeah, I know, I've lived in Oregon. A lot.

What are five jobs you've had?
1) McDonald's
2) Security guard
3) Travelling souvenir sales professional on a train.
4) Indentured servant to the government
5) Photographer

As I said at the top, I can't tag five people, because I'm an antisocial bastard.

Baby update

Been a while since I posted anything about how my little guy is faring along the road to birth. Red has been in and out of labor since about 7 yesterday morning, and we were at the Labor & Delivery unit of our local hospital until about midnight last night. Things are a-movin!

Apparently, the big reason we aren't welcoming him to the world just yet is that he was facing the wrong direction (front, rather than back). Red got him flipped around last night after coming home, and I think both of them are more comfortable now. Her labor pains have eased off a bit, but she's still having regular contractions about 10 minutes apart, which hasn't changed since yesterday.

My sister suggested she do some jumping jacks - I had another suggestion I won't repeat here, and fortunately I was out of reach or she might have smacked me. I think we'll plant some things in the back yard and do some yard work out front, then maybe go for a walk....that should do it.

Obama campaign responds!

Heh.

Dear Friend, (An unwarranted assumption, but understandable given that this is pretty obviously a form letter. I'm not a Friend Of Obama, particularly not now...)

Thank you for contacting us. Senator Obama has the deepest respect for
Law Enforcement Officers and their families, especially those who have
made the ultimate sacrifice to protect their fellow Americans. Wasn't this the same guy that was saying religiouis gun-loving blue collar people are bitter and disillusioned...?

We deeply regret the mistake that was made. I bet you do. Now that people have pointed out that it happened... When we learned about the incident, we immediately reached out to the Portland Police Department and the Portland Police Association and sent a formal letter of apology. Please find the text of that letter below.

Thank you again for contacting us.

Sincerely,

Obama for America

It's not much of an apology, to be honest. I note with some interest that the good Senator's campaign isn't apologizing to me (because, you know, I complained about it, but I'm not a cop, don't have a family member that's a cop, or have had a family member that's a cop who's died in the line of duty). Anyway, here's the rest of the email.

Dear Chief Sizer and President King:

When we learned about the Portland Police Memorial, we shared your
disappointment and concern. We offer our deepest apologies to the Portland
Police Department, the Portland Police Association, and the families
and colleagues of those who have fallen in the line of duty.

We want to assure you and your fellow officers that no disrespect was
intended. An unacceptable error in judgment was made while trying to
accommodate disabled supporters. The Obama campaign takes full
responsibility and apologizes for any pain this incident may have caused.

Senator Obama has the deepest respect for law enforcement officers
across the country who make our streets safer and our families more secure,
and for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf. Our
campaign has nothing but respect for Portland’s dedicated police
officers.

We want to be clear -this type of mistake will not be repeated. On
behalf of the Obama for America campaign, we are sorry.If you would like to
discuss further or have any questions, please do not hesitate to
contact us.

Sincerely,

Rob Hill
Oregon for Obama State Director

I stand by what I said in my previous post, Senator. Take your boorish, elitist campaign out of my state and stay there. "Honest mistake" doesn't begin to cover it - granted, a candidate can't be held 100% responsible for his subordinates, but ultimately, he's the guy in charge of picking the people around him. So far, I remain wholly unimpressed.

Fun with commenters

Normally, I'd delete the second comment on the previous post , but I couldn't resist the comparison:

Kredit ohne Schufa said...
I want to do nothing with you.I want to love you only.I think you should not lose your vote.

Me love you chicken-head style, ten dollah!

Are you fucking kidding me????

It's not like McCain is in danger of losing my vote, but come ON. Do you really want somebody at the helm of this country with this little sensitivity?

PORTLAND, OR – Police officers in Portland, Oregon, are still waiting for an apology from Barack Obama after campaign staffers of his recent rally in Portland, Oregon, setup porta potties directly on top of the Portland Police Memorial, which honors the agency’s 25 fallen police officers...

Edit: left this for Obama at his campaign webpage:

Senator Obama,

As a long-time Oregon resident and an independent voter, I want to express my disgust at the lack of tact and sensitivity exhibited by your campaign this last week in Portland. I wasn't seriously considering voting for you anyway, but until recently, I hadn't ruled it out.

How dare you disgrace the memory of our fallen police officers by placing toilets directly in the middle of the memorial to them? I honestly don't know what's worse, the fact that it happened in the first place or the half-assed apology sort-of proffered as justification. Do you honestly expect us to believe that out of the entire city of Portland the only place your campaign organizers could find to place the toilets was in the midst of a memorial to cops killed in the line of duty?

You won't be getting my vote, Senator. Take your elitism and your boorish company out of my state and stay there.

Got this canned response by email. Somehow I have a feeling most of their mail is positive, or at least they try to put a positive spin on it.

Thank you for contacting Obama for America. The volume of messages we’re receiving has gone up since Barack’s victory in Iowa. While we cannot respond individually to over a thousand messages per day, the level of interest and thoughtfulness of the comments reflected in these communications are very gratifying. Your thoughts on our campaign and America's future are greatly appreciated.Individual citizens like you are the foundation of this campaign.

Yep. That's me all right. Takin' my foundation and getting the hell away from this idiot.

Disclaimer, repost

I made mention of this before, but I'm reposting due to the relatively large number of spam comments I've been getting recently.

Spambot comments will be summarily deleted without notice or apology.

In short...fuck off and quit wasting my time deleting your "comments".

There is a God

And He has chosen for whatever reason to smile upon me.

Got my laptop back from the vendor. Intact. :)

Statecraft I can get behind

Negotiation with hard-to-reach regimes in places nobody wants to go? Sure.
Exercising the power of statecraft with military precision. Okay.

Meeting the GODS OF ROCK in Sweden? *best Bill & Ted voice* Excellent.... :)