A Clever Sheep

My son is obsessed with a small red-head

2009-02-22T17:38:00.000-08:00

The Little Pirate hasn't been much of a fan of movies, TV shows, or even video games, particularly. That's not to say they don't suck him in the same way they do me - he will settle down if he gets to play with Mommy's cell phone, and he absolutely adores both Handy Manny and the Little Einsteins....but other than that, the TV being on is mostly something he ignores.

That is, until recently. My son is absolutely in love with a short red-head. No, it's not either of the two you'd think....not Red or Little Red. No, it's something much more sinister.

My son loves Strawberry Shortcake.

Yes, you read that correctly. Thing#2 has a Strawberry Shortcake DVD that runs about 5-10 minutes long, and at the end there's this song they sing about how shooing away all of the nasty crows and taking care of their plants will make things grow better. It's insidious, but it pulls his attention in a way that nothing else will. He'll be playing (or, lately fussing a lot - he's cutting three teeth right now...good times, lemme tell ya) in the living room doing his own thing, and if somebody puts that in, he'll freeze in place for the duration, glued to the TV. When the song is over, he'll sit there waving his arms while the credits roll, and then give me a goofy grin as though to say, "Play it again, Daddy!!!!"

I gotta get this kid on Transformers immediately, that's just all there is to that.

Bleh

2009-02-17T22:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I was able to blog, get online, or do much of, well, anything. This is entirely due to a certain company I mentioned before as having very poor customer service.

After the house fire we had back in November, I asked this company to suspend our service, and told them why. They said they would - I received no bills, and got the occasional person telling me that our home phone number had been disconnected. I thought nothing further of it.

So imagine our suprise, and Red's fury, when four days after we moved back in, we discovered in the mail a phone bill saying our service was disconnected as of the beginning of January, for non payment of the $300 phone bill from November to current. I was livid - we spent three hours on the phone with these people, and finally extracted from them a promise to do something unspecified right away if we'd have the fire marshal fax them a copy of the report on the fire.

Fine, whatever. So we asked the fire marshal to do that, and he did.

A week went by. Then another week.

I finally had had enough, and last Thursday I had some time, so I called and was what I call polite and Red calls being diplomatic in an evil sense. By the time I was done talking to them, they'd decided to just make the whole bill problem go away. They said they'd waive the entire bill, set us up with a new connection. Then I decided, well, if we're feeling all try-to-keep-the-customer-happy here, let's see how far it'll go.

"So will you take the same package you had before?" the lady asked.
"No, I don't think so, actually," I said. "See, I've had an offer from one of your competitors....they're offering to give me faster broadband for six months, for less than I'd be paying for two months of services with you. Just under $300 for six months, in fact. Can you give me a good reason why I shouldn't switch, because I've got to tell you, between the economy and the problems I've had with your company over the last six months, I'm inclined to. I have no brand loyalty here."
"How about we give you three months at $18 and $46.99 per month forever, with a faster tiered speed than you had before?"
"Tell me more."

I ended up getting a new modem, faster service, and since we didn't opt for the $80 in extra phone package stuff since we're going to go with T-Mobile's VoIP service (for $10 a month), that's all I'll be paying. In short, I got a free new modem, free new router, and a faster connection for about half what I was paying before.

An encounter with the Keystone Konstruction Kompany

2009-01-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

This is my first encounter with construction, at least from a they're-building-this-around-me perspective....so if I'm snarking here about things that should really be expected, bear that in mind.

Over the last two and a half months, we've gone through one broken promise after another on when things would be done, what would be accomplished, had many unexpected and wholly unpleasant suprises along the way, and yet somehow, when the "Final Inspection and Finishing Touches" were supposed to have been done yesterday, according to the guy with the checkbook, who Red refers to as God (at least as far as our friends from the Keystone Konstruction Kompany are concerned, he is), I had high hopes that at long last we'd see the backside of plumbers, electricians, drywall hangers, carpet installation, inspectors, various catch-all-contractors, and other assorted people trapising though. Sadly, my hopes were dashed yet again.

Following Red's big showdown with the property manager last week, many things have been accomplished. We are, in fact, all back in our home and what we were told was the last of the construction stuff was finished today in the form of trim and trash cleanup. Mind you, more has been done in the last week than in the previous 72 days put together - there's a laundry list of it, but the short version is that everything has been done.

Or so we were told.

One would think that, since there's a definite order that things are done in in construction jobs, each individual item would be dealt with. For instance, providing lovely cabinets with flush doors would be followed immediately by putting handles on them. Insulation comes before drywall and paint, and so on. This is not the case with the KKK I've referenced, evidently. Over the last five days Red and I have been speculating a little on why the kitchen is so cold all the time. We found out today - there's NO GODDAMN INSULATION IN THE ATTIC SPACE.

How do you miss something like that? Seriously? We found out today, after the construction guys turned our heat back on a month ago, that half of the top floor of the house is totally without insulation between the actual kitchen and the attic space above it. 1/2" of drywall, some paint, and the plywood of the roof is the only thing keeping the heat inside my house. For obvious reasons we are NOT going to be paying the heating bill until this gets addressed, just as we took a $385 gas bill to the property managers last week (which, Red said, made the girl accepting it look like somebody had just booted her in the giblets).

Add to that the company that was coming in to do the cleaning. Now, the ladies that were here for four days did a bang-up job of cleaning the drywall mud off the floor that the drywall guys were too retarded to put a sheet down for, along with everything else. I talked to the cleaning company back in November when they were talking about doing the carpets here and said, "Well, if you guys are going to be here with the equipment anyway, let's take care of my furniture while you're at it." The guy from the cleaning company quoted me a price of $175 for doing deep cleaning of a reclining rocker, a full length 8' sofa, and two love seats. They charged my Visa for it shortly thereafter.

Nothing further was heard from them until last week, when they caught the aftershocks of Red's explosion via what I can only imagine was a frantic call from the property managers. They called us on Friday apologizing for not getting it done already, but correctly pointing out that cleaning it before now wouldn't really have helped since the construction guys can't evidently figure out how to clean up after themselves with both hands, a road map, and a flashlight. They scheduled it for this morning, when Red and the Little Pirate would be at home.

Unfortunately, nobody told the cleaning guy that he was supposed to come out. Red called them at about 1:00 this afternoon asking them when they were planning on coming, and their response was, "Uh....oops. Our bad, we didn't put you on the schedule," and sent a subcontractor. This was the point at which more fun ensued, when he got in, saw the furniture sitting there ready to be cleaned (where it's been for the last two and a half months, mind you), and asked which couch and which loveseat we wanted cleaned. Evidently, according to our records, that was all we'd been charged for.

I called the original cleaning company and asked them - I had made it very clear the first time around what I wanted done, the guy that had been at the house and seen the furniture already was the one that had given me the quote, and I'd paid for the service. As far as I'm concerned, that should be that - they should be providing the service I had bargained for, and if their records don't reflect that, tough shit. Oh, no, says the woman at the other end of the phone, we would never quote you a price that low, you must have misunderstood, and did you get this in writing? I hadn't, of course, which is an error I won't make again. Red, meanwhile, gave the guy that was actually here at the house a nice smile and asked him politely, and he ended up doing what we wanted anyway without charging us extra.

As I said, I think I'll let her deal with people from now on.

I blame President Obama. The fire happened November 4, and Election Day was November 6th. It can't be a coincidence.

I couldn't agree more

2009-01-20T18:43:00.000-08:00

Via Jawa:

My personal opinion is that this inauguration was no more historical than any other except for the very first one. Calling it "historical" because the President is anything other than a white male is keeping the race debate in everyone's face and therefore keeps us divided as a country.
My issue with Obama, or any of the Democrats who ran for President last year, is their left-liberal Socialist policies, not their race or gender.

That's about all I have to say about that. Hopefully Obama will be a good president...we'll see.

Redheaded Armageddon

2009-01-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

I told Kate yesterday I'd post something about the achievements she wasn't aware she'd made.

Remember I said I got the Definitive Word that we'd be back in the house by the 12th of January? Please note - I'm writing this from the living room of the family we've been staying with since November. It is not the 12th of January...that came and went.

Rewind a bit to earlier this week. We got word from the property owner about two weeks ago that things would be done, then word from his wife that it'd take a bit longer (to last Wednesday). Okay, we thought - it's been two and a half months, another two days is not going to kill us. Went over to the house before work, moved cats so they wouldn't be in peoples' way, and went to work in the conviction that soon, all would be right with the world.

Imagine my suprise, then, when we arrived a teensy bit after noon, and not only was nothing further done, it was rampantly obvious that nobody had even been there. I consider myself a reasonable guy, most of the time, and I have my self-interest (and that of my family) in mind, so the call to the property manager was as polite as I could make it.

Red felt no such compunctions, being a) redheaded, b) pissed off, c) a mother anticipating explaining to her children for the seventy-second consecutive night why they had to sleep on somebody else's floor, and d) having a high blood content of a medication that significantly increases her aggressive nature as a side-effect of its primary purpose. All I could do was stand back and respectfully urge that she either try very hard not to permanently maim anyone or hide the bodies afterwards and be very thorough in her cleaning. She declared that the time had come, as we'd actually been planning, for a visit to the property management people to hand off the utility bills for the house (the contractors had reconnected everything in our name without our permission - remember that snow I mentioned? Furnace running to heat the house, windows left open for over a week....$400 gas bill we are so not going to be paying...).

Holy shit.

I think the next time I have a problem...with anybody....I'm going to allow her to handle it, because Oh My God did she get results.

Red isn't one of those women that stops making sense and goes into hysterics when she's angry. Instead, she develops this laser-like precision and zeroes in on her target's weakest point - in this case, it was an obviously upset mother with a crying baby asking why the property manager seems to never have any idea what's going on with the repairs, plopping down over $500 in utility bills, and mentioning all of the other goodness I may have mentioned over the last couple of months about this.

Oh yeah.

We went back after I was off work...mind you, four hours earlier, nothing whatsoever had been done. Carpet, wall to wall, was done for the entire upper floor. While we were there, the property manager called me to reassure me for the eight hundredth time that he was looking into things, and I decided to drop Kate's suggestion on him. I haven't actually spoken to an attorney, as of yet, but he of course didn't know that...I simply told him that I'd spoken to a friend of mine who is an attorney (yes, Kate, I know you're retired, but that wasn't significant in this context) and she had suggested speaking to somebody local about constructive disposession. Having taken Kate's suggestion and Googled it already, I had a pretty good idea what the term meant. I think it got his attention though.

The following day (this would be Thursday), the property manager called Red again. The owner was evidently coming down. Countertops would be installed. Appliances would be delivered. Things would be done, and by God he was going to make sure that they did. Red went by the house....you'd think she'd stuck a stick into an anthill the way these guys were scuttling around. The tile guy didn't actually get there for the countertops till that afternoon, having had to come from the coast very late the night before, but he got quite a bit done nonetheless.

We went by late yesterday. The countertops are finished aside from some edging - they're this really dark greenish-black marble, 8x8 tiles laid edge to edge and almost seamless. Edging around the windows has been replaced. The storm damage to the big tree outside has been cleared. The vents on the stairs and the railing for the stairs have been put back. Lights have been installed. The dedicated electrical line for the sauna is in place. The trash has been removed from the kitchen. The appliances have arrived and are sitting ready to be installed on Monday morning. Plumbing for the washer and the vent and electrical for the dryer are done.

Red got no less than three calls from the property manager yesterday assuring her that he'd been checking with the contractor and giving her updates. I think she scared him.

Not quite random request

2009-01-11T20:05:00.001-08:00

If I ever get the urge to offer "help" to a tweaker again, somebody kick me.

Please?

Overheard

2009-01-03T19:40:00.001-08:00

Me: ...How about a mouse like this one, except bright green?

Little Red: Um, no?

Me: Why not?

Little Red: Because I don't need one?

Me: Why?

Little Red: Because I don't have a home?

Me: Why?

Little Red: Because you suck?

Me: Why?

Little Red: I don't frickin' know, ask your gay partner.

Red: *paralyzed with laughter* Look, he's blushing!

Me: I'm totally blogging this, you two.

A house is a house....

2008-12-31T18:36:00.000-08:00

A while back, I posted something about the house fire, and I haven't mentioned much else about it. Today I got the Definitive Word From The Property Owner saying that everything should be done on or by the 12th. Of January.

The damage to the home was really minor - one interior wall had to be rebuilt, and the plumbing & electrical had to be redone. The owner, though, chose for his own reasons to redo the kitchen entirely - walls stripped, cabinets ripped out, even the very sheetrock torn off of ceiling and walls. All of it. Fine, I guess, it's his house after all, and not mine, but come on, my family's been homeless now for two months!

Anyway, I've heard this "we'll be done really soon" line before, so I asked him, "Say, um, we're really tired of being homeless. How about we get a propane stove to cook on for the next week, and you guys just finish around us?" He hemmed and hawed a bit, then said he'd check with the subcontractors about it, saying something about liability and having kids, etc. The thing is, that arguement really doesn't pass the sniff test - how else do people have work done in their homes that they're living in, if not having the contract guys literally do the work around them? The kids will be gone while they're working (school, obviously), and I'll be at work. Red and the Little Pirate can be elsewhere, so what's the deal?

Red's theory is that they just don't want anybody watching to make sure they're not doing a half-assed job, and I'm beginning to think she's right.

Totally NSFW

2008-12-29T20:03:00.000-08:00

I've seen links from a number of other people on this one....and I'm forced to agree. This is definitely the best commercial EVER.

Not safe for work. Not even a little.

Filed under "art" because....damn.

As ice storms go...

2008-12-29T18:30:00.001-08:00

This one was really something,

Being snowed in...well, at least for Oregon

2008-12-19T18:01:00.001-08:00

Oregon's a little strange, at least the Willamette Valley is. Other places get snow a foot deep, and it barely fazes them (at least, as long as the snowplow guys don't pile 12' of snow in Kate's yard, anyway). Salem gets a couple of inches, and people have to stay home. I reconcile it by observing that the people that aren't fazed by snow have never seen Oregonians driving in the rain.

Here's Red, Thing 1, and the Little Pirate headed out for a stroll earlier this afternoon. As I couldn't drive anywhere, I went along with the gang for the photo op.

One of the area middle schools has a hill that is simply awesome for kid-sledding. Red swiped some kid's sled, plunked the little guy on it, and took him for a ride. I think he looks bored....although he was pretty stoked when he got to the bottom and realized that it was fun.

Dinosaur's First Snow

2008-12-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

Snow, you say?

RAWR!!!!!!!

Entertainment....thatta way

2008-12-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

Go here and visit. You'll be glad you did, and you'll never look at cute animals the same way again.

(h/t Rachel )

Epic win

2008-11-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

Today, I got to have Thanksgiving dinner and do very little of the actual work.

I got to watch my scantily clad vixen Red (her words, people, not mine) parading around the kitchen making a pumpkin pie from scratch.

All in all, a good day with much to be thankful for.

Coolest iPhone app I've yet seen.

2008-11-25T19:03:00.001-08:00

Koi Pond on your phone? Cool.
Virtual beer? Cooler yet.
Amazing portability and ability to do all of those cool-shit-factor things that we want our toys to do? Very, Very cool

I haven't yet seen anything, though, that made me go "wow" the way this one did. That's just awesome.

If I had a Roomba, I think my cats would do this.

2008-11-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ-jv8g1YVI

Change in commenting policy

2008-11-11T20:33:00.001-08:00

I've decided to have some fun with the trolls that have been making an appearance here lately. Commenting is still open, but I may go to some level of moderation to make it happen.

That is all.

Gratuitous baby photos, November edition

2008-11-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

I shot both of these yesterday morning. He was sitting on Red's lap right between two picture windows, the light was great, and he was having a great time giggling. I actually had a hard time getting a decent shot of him because he wouldn't quit moving around. :)

Well, that was fun.

2008-11-04T19:48:00.000-08:00

No, not the election.

My family and I are all just fine, and all of our material posessions are fine, if somewhat the worse for wear. About 1PM today, Red called me frantically, and all I could get out of what she said, past the baby screaming and her sobbing, was that the house was on fire.

We are very, very fortunate. The fire started due to a short between the 220v outlet for the dryer and the dryer vent. I think, and the fire marshal agreed with me, that the dryer vent had not had a good seal behind it, and had blown lint up into the wall daily for several years, and that was what actually provided the fuel side of the fire triangle. From there, it went up.

The fire guys got there and got the walls pulled apart in time to prevent the fire from actually penetrating the attic. The stud cap at the top of the wall slowed the spread of things just long enough that they were able to get there in time. It's quite a mess, though - the microwave integrated into the wall was pulled out a tad too fast, and came down on top of the convection oven - both appliances are now casualties of Election Day 2008.

As far as smoke and water damage go - very little of both, except to the kitchen ceiling and back wall behind the stove/oven. Unfortunately, the house isn't habitable, in spite of the fact that the roof is intact, as the wall that contained the fire also housed most of the house's electrical junctions, the air conditioning conduits from the forced air, and the hot water pipes from the water heater. The property manager assures me that they'll get the insurance adjusters out there tomorrow with some luck, and he'll try to pressure them into moving quickly on repairs. It looks to me as though at most 4-5 days of repairs are ahead of us, if all goes well.

I'll post updates as I can - we're at my parents' place at the moment, and their network is working. Remind me later to tell all of you about how the move went last Friday. :-s

And the vote is in!

2008-10-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

Oregon ballots have arrived, and mine goes out in the mail tomorrow. Probably no suprise, given the banner thingy over yonder on the right, but yes, I voted McCain/Palin. :)

This should have been done long ago...

2008-10-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

...but since it wasn't, I think this story is Very Cool Indeed.

Man's Best Friend just got an upgrade in being a Best Friend. I wonder if this qualifies as making them Man's BFF?

Huh? scratches head

2008-10-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

The employer I work for has an internal messaging system, much like a very dumbed-down version of any free IM program. It does the job....mostly.

One of the drawbacks of having an agency-wide IM program, though, is that while it's cool to message, well, anyone, it also means you can be messaged by anyone. Such was the case yesterday.

Receptionist from my last office: WG, there's a client here to see you.
WG: I'm sorry to hear that.
RFMLO: can u take a call please?
WG: I suppose.
RFMLO: what extension are you at now? my phone list is old.
WG: Well, I quit working in that building about five months ago. I'm on the other side of town now, did you explain this to whoever it is?
RFMLO: her ssn is xxx-xx-xxxx
RFMLO: her name is ___________
RFMLO: can i have her call u
WG: You should perhaps have her call her worker. She was never my client even when I did work there.
RFMLO: ok i have her call u from lobby
.....................long pause............................
RFMLO: hello r u still there?
WG: Yep.
RFMLO: she says she is getting somebody else's voicemail.
WG: That'd be because it is somebody else's voicemail.
RFMLO: ok thank you.

Of Trolls

2008-10-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I frequented Kate's main blog, as I try to do daily. She doesn't get trolls very often; usually when she does, they're following the link from one of her Pajamas Media posts, or some other mention of Obama.

Anyway, on this post, the first two comments were both from trolls, although they seemed to be of different varieties, and it got me to thinking. How many kinds of trolls are there? Just like that, as Stephen King says, my Muse shat upon my head, and I had the makings of the sort of deep, insightful witticism that keeps all six of you coming back for more. You know who you are. Here are the major species of Troll - if you know of a subspecies, or you're angry because you're a troll that didn't get mentioned, by all means leave me a comment and contribute.

A Troll Primer:

CAPS LOCK TROLLS
Caps Lock Trolls are a main species of troll one finds frequenting blogs, distinguished primarily by their inability to find the Caps Lock key. They are usually fairly incoherent, and one of the best takedowns I've ever read of this sort of idiot is located here.

Elitist Trolls
These guys are pretty easy to spot. Nearly every arguement they use to try to enlighten you is preceeded by some kind of disclaimer about their own qualifications, and it's often, if not usually, followed by a point they're making after having read a 3-column article in Newsweek, Time, or People magazine in the bathroom and done very little, if any, actual research. They usually have little actual understanding of, well, anything, beyond their own shallow worldview. Arguing with one is fun...and by fun I mean of the yank-his-chain-again-and-see-if-he'll-do-that-again variety. Classic example? Michael Moore.

Pompous Windbag Trolls
PWT's are a little more difficult to deal with, largely because they drone. Speaking to one is impossible, because they never actually stop talking; discussions aren't discussions at all, they're an attempt to bludgeon you into a whimpering, bleeding, quivering ball with mind-numbing boredom. Trolls of this variety actually do often know what they're talking about, but rather than actually make a point, one flows into the next seamlessly, preventing any actual dialogue from taking place. The best (and often, only) successful tactic is to put a mirror up and allow them to talk into it, and exit the room quietly. Usually, the troll will not notice.

Clever Troll
Clever Trolls are often, if not always, impressed first and foremost with their own cleverness, and they nearly always want to tell you about it. (I will confess, this is the side of troll-dom that I am closest to, when I do indulge my trollish instincts.) Clever Trolls usually have a good arguement to make, but tend to trip themselves up by being a bit too clever. An excellent example of this sort of troll is Al Franken, whose very cleverness during his SNL years is making his run for office in Minnesota this year somewhat difficult. Saying clever, but insulting and degrading, things about minorities may make people laugh, but it can come back and bite you in the ass....trolls of this stripe are also deprecatingly referred to as "fucking jerks".

Insane Troll
We've all seen them, or encountered them either online or in person. These guys are the waaaaaaaaaaaay out there bunch, that occasionally wander back into the warm light of civilization. I personally think they exist for no other reason than to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves. Here's a classic example.

Clueless Troll
These poor, poor trolls are the saddest ones of the lot, because they don't really mean to be trolls. They can't really help it. Clueless Trolls are the lemmings of the troll world, following whatever suicidal herd instinct they hear that impels them to hurl themselves with little but enthusiasm into the cause of the moment. They form instant assessments of complex problems, rarely, if ever, have any idea what they're talking about, but are great for spreading memes of one sort or another. Whatever it is, they're excited about it.

Evil Trolls
By way of comparison, trolls of this variety are not enthusiastic about anything. They're bitter, angry, want to simply drag everyone around them down into their own funk. According to one of the candidates running for a political office this year, they're usually religious gun owners living in rural America. I disagree - Evil Trolls are found everywhere, and the root of their evilness is disillusionment. Evil Trolls are one of the usual ends for Clueless Trolls who have lost their mojo - sort of like a caterpillar into a butterfly, but backwards and uglier.

My best friend and I, in a nutshell.

2008-10-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm the one with the Blackberry.

Badass Of The Week

2008-09-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

With a headline like " Man jumps in, punches shark, gets his dog back "....how can you not admire that....? Wow.

Overheard

2008-09-22T19:02:00.000-07:00

WG: when does the fun start?

The Bike Owner: Good question...

WG: if it doesn't start soon, i want my money back.

TBO: If you have too much fun, they'll take their money back
TBO: hehehe

WG: lol
WG: that's the problem
WG: how do you know when you've had precisely the amount of fun you're permitted to have?
WG: do we have a fun quota?
WG: A Department of Fun?

TBO: Yep. The number changes randomly, and we never know what it is.

WG: ah, i see
WG: that must be fun for somebody

TBO: They're very serious about their fun.

WG: well fun is important
WG: so you have to take it seriously
WG: i mean, you might miss out on some of the fun you're entitled to if you didn't
WG: the people at the department of fun must have it rought
WG: not only are they required to make sure that everybody's having fun in the right amount, but they'd be required to have fun doing it

TBO: Tough job..

WG: i think this conversation's going to have to end up on my blog.

Freakin' hippies, I tell ya

2008-09-21T22:05:00.001-07:00

Oregon....you gotta love it.

Low posting anticipated

2008-09-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

I very likely won't be posting much for the next month and a half or so. Real Life stuff is happening that's keeping me very, very, very busy.

On a side note, I have chocolate. Red went and bought me Ghiardelli's Intense Dark Premium Assortment, and have been in heaven for the last 20 minutes or so. The Twilight Delight (72% cacao) is incredible, the Espresso Escape combines two of my favorite things, but the Mint Bliss....Oh. My. God. That's all I have to say about that.

Contrast & compare

2008-09-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, the last post was a rant. Contrast that with Red's conversation when she called T-Mobile to get an additional phone and phone line. Red is a Mary Kay consultant (freakin' awesome company if you ask me).

First - she got a living, breathing, speaking person her first attempt.
Then they gave her free stuff. I didn't get free stuff when I got my phone, but then again, I'm not a Mary Kay consultant. She got a free, pink and white Bluetooth headset for her new white Blackberry Pearl.
Then they hooked her up with a 12% account discount, just for being generally awesome, and a Mary Kay consultant.
Then they offered more stuff, which would have cost us a small amount of money.
Then they asked if they could do anything else for us, and asked us how we like our service.
Then we find out that the lady on the other end is at the call center here in town.
Red invited her to come to their big city-wide meeting/shindig thingy tonight, free makeup, prizes, etc. She said she would try to come and would be bringing friends.
Then Red got her supervisor on the phone and told him what an awesome job the customer service lady had done.

Hear that, Internet/Home Phone Disservice People I Won't Name, But Name Starts with Q?

That is how it's done.

Fun with the phone company

2008-09-09T12:19:00.001-07:00

I was late paying my phone/Internet bill last month, due to some other money issues (*cough* baby), and my service provider cut things off. Not just a little, mind you - cut off all outgoing calls, Internet service, etc. All of it. I paid it in full on the first of this month.

Nine days later, I'm still waiting for them to turn the damned thing back on. Oh, I've sent email after email. I've chatted with a Live Agent. I've even sent up smoke signals and sent messages by carrier pigeon. I've done....EVERYTHING...I can do. I just got off a live chat with an agent (I won't name the company, but it starts with a Q, if you're interested). Here's a paraphrased version of the conversation.

Agent: Hi, my name is Well Meaning Flunky, and I've been empowered by the company to do everything in my power to help you.
WG: Hi. I want my phone service and Internet back, please. I paid the bill.
Agent: Hi, WG. Before I can help you, I need to access your account. Is that okay?
WG: Uh, yeah. That'd be why I contacted you.
Agent: Hugs, rainbows, and fluffy bunnies.....one moment please.
Agent: Okay, WG, it appears that your phone service has been interrupted for nonpayment.
WG: That's incorrect. I paid the bill in full, and notified your company two weeks ago.
Agent: WG, did you notify us that you had paid the bill?
WG: ....
WG: Yes.
Agent: Okay, WG, I'm going to send you over to our Credit Management people, and they can help you. Just click this totally pointless link, fill out the form, and pray to whatever God you worship that we'll get back to you before the next time Halley's Comet comes around.
WG: Okay. I did this when I paid the bill, but okay.
Agent: In order to expedite your service recovery, please contact us at (phone number) from any working telephone.
WG: That'd be the whole problem, the not-having-a-phone-thing.
WG: What clueless asshat came up with that one?
Agent: I apologize for the inconvenience.
WG: It would be an inconvenience if this were the first time this had happened. Sadly, it isn't; it's happened on at least two other occasions, and I complained about it then.
Agent: Did you call us to complain?
WG: When things are working correctly, and the services I'm paying for are delivered timely, I don't make a habit of complaining, no. At the moment, I'm unable to call you at all, for reasons I'm fairly sure I've explained.
Agent: I apologize for the inconvenience. I am unable to assist you further via this chat. Please contact us at (phone number) from any working telephone for further assistance.

It went on like this for quite a while longer. Of all companies out there, I think by far the most frustrating to deal with is the phone company. I think I'm gonna switch services; paying nearly $100 a month for slow service, constant disruption of connection, phone static, and completely nonexistent customer service is ridiculous.

Update:
About an hour later, I got this gem.

Thank you for your recent e-mail inquiry to Q****.Thanks for your payment. I'm sorry but we are not able to discuss this account without first verifying that you are an authorized user. Could you call our office at 1-800-***-****(Monday-Friday, 8am-6pm) so that we can verify that you are authorized on the account?Thank you for choosing Q****. Have a great day!

Stupid criminal tricks

2008-09-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

I saw this story, and couldn't stop laughing.... What the hell?????

AP - FRESNO, California - Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke
into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one of the men
with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing...

Gratuitous baby photos

2008-09-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

New button thingy on the right.

2008-09-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

I got it from Kate, who got it from the Anchoress, who got it from....you get the idea.

Anyway. I can't tease my coworkers about their liberal leanings, but since this is my place, HA!

McCain hasn't failed to impress me yet. There's a lot I don't agree with the guy on, but I totally respect the fact that he's willing to tangle with just about anybody when he feels it's worth not compromising on, and the fact that he's willing to compromise if it's reasonable. Maybe what this country needs is a centrist. I don't know.

Palin is just freakin' awesome. After watching her for the last week, I'm not suprised she's lasted over a year and a half as the governor of the state producing 20% of this country's energy with approval ratings of 80% or better. WOW.

So. There. You got my pick for Presidential ticket this year, as if any of you who know me didn't already know. lol

Warning Label Fail

2008-09-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed those warning labels on things saying "Warning: Do not do something abysmally stupid with this product. Death or serious injury may occur"?

Last time I checked, death was considered serious. What the hey?

Overheard

2008-08-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

(from the kitchen) Red: AAAaaa!!!!!
Me: What's the matter, hon?
Red: Um, hi....I have a fire?
Me: *obscenity*

Going in, I spotted a flaming paper towel on the floor and Red standing there with no shoes. I set a pot lid over it until it went out, and swept it up.

Rachel says cats are assholes

2008-08-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

She's right, of course.....but somebody needs to point out that this balances the books somewhat.

Just for the record, I laughed so hard I cried.

Random bits

2008-08-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

I've been duly informed that I'm not updating to expectations, so, Paula, Bill....this post goes out to you guys. I'm tired, and it's been an odd day, so this is going to be what George Carlin referred to as brain droppings.....basically, whatever shit comes to mind.

Rachel posted a link to a Hot Air link that I found amusing. I'd never heard of "rick-rolling" before, so according to Rachel, I've evidently lived under a large flat mossy rock or something. This is actually quite easy to do in Oregon, as even the roads have moss on them here.

There's a lot I don't know about Georgia, despite having worked for the better part of a year less than ten feet from a woman that was an immigrant from there. I haven't read enough to have much of an opinion, but one thing I do know is that Georgia was the 3rd largest contributor of troops in Iraq, and still had their people there long after the British (2nd largest) pulled out. Not helping them out seems bad to me.

After trying and trying to find a Wii since last November, I happened to wander into a GameSpot earlier this evening (Little Red was trying on ...stuff.... in a store nearby, for which my assistance was not required or requested). Fully aware that I don't have the money at the moment to afford one, I idly asked the sales girl if they had one, expecting to get a "nope, try us next week, not sure if we'll have one then, or ever" like everybody else has told me. Oh, no. She looked back at me with a bright cheery grin and said, "Why yes, actually, we have two at the moment. Would you like to purchase one?" That large wet -foomp- you may have been wondering about was my head exploding.

Mojitos are awesome. The Bacardi equivalent isn't bad at all, particularly not on a hot evening.

Two bits of awesome

2008-07-31T21:24:00.000-07:00

Two things happened simultaneously.

I read this post. That is the funniest thing I've seen in AGES.

As I was recovering from the hilarity, I looked over and saw the Little Pirate in the baby swing we just got for him, snoozing away. Snuggles (one of the cats) walked up with a very concerned look on his face, and tried to look into the swing as it was going down, but he misjudged it and got smacked in the face when it came back up....and ran away. It was great.

Things that make me stabby

2008-07-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

I heard a word the other day that immediately pushed me past the point of sensible reaction, and into the realm of wanting to pull somebody's eyeballs out through their rectal cavity. That might sound like an overreaction, but bear with me.

"Staycation"

The word is billed as a combination of "stay" and "vacation" implying that you're taking a vacation and staying in one place, but in fact is neither word. The biggest problem I have with words like this, which according to the Wikipedia entry are called a portmanteau is that they're not particularly clever and have a strong tendency to be used to imply that the person using them is.

A fine example of this at work is the suffix "-gate" applied to anything that the breathless press claims is the latest Really Big Scandal. (If you're like me and can't stand this phenomenon, for God's sake don't go here.) When did it become okay to take two perfectly good, and often descriptive, words and mash them together? You can't come up with a word or phrase that adequately describes what you're talking about, so you have to make one up? For God's sake, the latest copy of my Webster's Dictionary is four inches thick. In all of that, there simply must already be the perfect word you need....and if not, we're speaking English! Borrow a word from another language if you have to.

Quit making bastardized, incomprehensible amalgamations and use English like everybody else, or I may have to sic the Grammar Nazi on you.

Obama campaign in violation of CAN-SPAM

2008-07-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

I've blogged about this a couple of times, but I finally got pushed past my limit when yet another Obama campaign email begging for money got past my spam filter - this time, it was sent from the Oregon Obama Campaign, so it wasn't pre-flagged. I sent them back this:

I have asked that my email address be removed from your mailing list
twice now; once with an email directly to the campaign from the website, and
once through the "unsubscribe" option that is required to be at the bottom of
all bulk email. I am not a supporter of your candidate, and the only
contact I sent your candidate in the first place was a complaint about your
campaign's use of the Fallen Police Officer's Memorial as a location for the
event's portable toilets.

Your campaign is now in violation of 15 USC 7701 et seq, which final rule took effect 7/7/2008. The first request I sent demanding that you remove me from your mailing list was over ten days ago. You are hereby informed that this matter has been forwarded to the Federal Trade Commission.

This particular email came from a fellow by the name of Rob Hill, who is apparently the director of the Oregon Obama campaign. Here's a copy of my complaint to the FTC, and their response:

I contacted Mr. Obama's campaign to complain about the campaign's
conduct in Oregon, via the complaint form on the campaign's website.
Nowhere on the contact form does it imply or state that email addresses given
will be used in a flood of requests for donations, support, volunteer work, et
al.

Since my complaint on 6/10/08, the campaign has contacted me
eighteen times, despite my request twice to remove me from their mailing
list. The first time, I did so via the contact form on the campaign's
website; this was on 6/15/08. The second time, I followed the link from
one of the campaign's emails, being very clear that I do not want to receive
their mail and never did.

The campaign continues to email me, from a variety of email addresses so that my spam filter does not catch all of it. It is time consuming, offensive, and irritating to deal with. In addition to the above named representatives, I have received sender information from the following persons:
Barack Obama
Al Gore
David Plouffe
Jon Carson
Steve Hildebrand

We have received your complaint. Thank you for contacting the FTC. Your complaint has been entered into Consumer Sentinel, a secure online database
available to thousands of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies worldwide.
Your reference number is: 19530136

Of Poo and Parenting

2008-07-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

My son was less than a full day old when he demonstrated the bare essence to me of what boys are all about. Red and I were giving him a bath (the one right before the picture in the last post, in fact), and Red had put a washcloth across his boy business. I didn't realize immediately that she knew something I didn't, that being that it was not for sanitation, but for protection. I moved the washcloth, intending to scrub down his legs, and before Red could warn me, he whizzed all down the front of me from about 2' away. I was amazed.

And then there was yesterday, the Little Pirate's first day home. He'd had a messy diaper, and I was changing him. I'd gotten just to the point of hoisting feet in the air and cleaning off the butt with a wipe, and with the sort of loud irreverent noise that most teen boys congratulate one another for, he hosed a cone area to my right with a scattershot of flying poo. I was astounded, not just because of the volume, but the pressure. I've got to get him one of these if they still have them in baby sizes.

Red and I took the Little Pirate to see the pediatrician for a weight check this morning, and while in the car on the way, we had a very calm, rational discussion that went something like this:

"I'm hungry."
"Are you? You want to stop & get a latte or something before we get back to the house?"
"Yeah. Oh, hey, don't let me forget to ask the pediatrician when we're in there about the diarrhea (Little Pirate) has been having. I'm wondering if that's why he'd had that weight loss, he seems really gassy."
"Well, when you changed him this morning, was it dark greenish/black, or was it a mustard brownish-yellow? If it's a kind of yellow color, that's just him adjusting to eating breast milk."
"Oh, okay. Oh, here's the coffee stand."
-=laughing=- "You realize you're now officially a parent, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we just talked about getting something to eat and the color and composition of poop in the same conversation,...and you didn't even blink. Congrats, Dad."
"I'm totally blogging that."

End of a long day

2008-07-08T21:05:00.001-07:00

Here's my little guy, having had his second bath of the day, a good solid meal, and nice warm Mommy to lie next to. He's been conked out like this most of the day, actually.

World, meet baby. Baby, meet world

2008-07-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

I'll have more either later this evening or tomorrow - most of the rest of the photos I've taken so far of the little guy are of him bare-ass nekkid, and nobody needs to see that. :)

This was taken this morning, just after the nurses had cleaned him off a bit. He hadn't been measured, had vitals taken (beyond the first check-everything battery they do), had his first bath or meal yet; they put him in Red's arms for a snack and this was one of the few close-ups I took right then. More to come!

Incoming!!!!

2008-07-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

About an hour ago, the doc came in and broke Red's water. She now has her epidural in, and we're watching her contractions slowly ramp up - he should be arriving within the next several hours. Stay tuned....we'll be right back after these messages.

Edit: 1:45 AM 7/8/08 He's here! 8 lbs 14 oz, and 20 1/2 " long. I'll post photos later after family's had a chance to meet him. :)

Back and forth, redux

2008-07-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

There aren't many things that will wake me up out of a dead sleep - I sleep really deeply most of the time and I usually wake up very slowly. Snooze alarms are usually a 3-time affair, and the less said about midnight runs for Taco Bell the better.

So far, things I've found that will immediately wake me to full awareness include:

1) Bare kid feet on carpet trying to sneak into our bedroom.
2) One of the cats (Snuggles, usually) pawing at the window wanting in.
3) The sound of a weight-bearing foot sliding off the carpeted stair, followed by a -=whump=- and whimper of pain.

The last was what awoke me this morning. I knew immediately who it was, too, since Red wasn't in bed, and mindful of the fact that her "official" due date is TOMORROW, this was obviously a Very Bad Thing. I got her to the hospital, of course - the doc is keeping her for a minimum of four hours, and since she's having contractions and is dilated at 4, they may just decide to get this show on the road.

One can hope, I suppose. Updates to follow!

Edit: 10:20 AM - all seems well; she's uncomfortable and sore from the tumble, but she and the Podling are both okay.

Edit: 11:30 AM - Doc is here, they're admitting her for a few more hours, and we'll be moving to a room with a jacuzzi. :)

Edit: 12:50 PM - Okay, I'm not going to keep doing hourly updates here, so don't get too excited. She's being admitted overnight, however, and they're prepping for delivery - the room we're in now is all set up for it, and she just got in the tub with a big "AAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." of relief.

heh

2008-07-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Since I can't improve on it...

2008-07-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'll just link to it. Happy 4th of July.

Keeping it classy

2008-07-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

I posted a while back about Obama's campaign gaffe in Portland. I got a response, of course, as I noted, and thought little more of it - I figure their campaign gets a flood of complaints every time Obama or one of his minions puts a foot in the campaign's mouth, and the way his campaign's been going, I'd bet there's rather a lot of it.

Anyway, so I didn't really complain when I started getting spam from Obama's campaign. I don't really give a rip about Al Gore's endorsement, the incessant pleading of the campaign to "help us beat John McCain" with a hand out every time, and the Very Important Announcements of the campaign that the media rushes to get out there every time the guy opens his mouth. I used my Yahoo throwaway email address for it; Yahoo has an excellent spam filter already, and I dutifully flagged every email that made it through as spam, consigning it to the trash bin with the Nigerian money movers and penis enlargement offers.

Wednesday morning, though, I got this:

Dear WG --
Tonight is the crucial financial reporting deadline for June. Right now is the time to step up and own a piece of this campaign. I need your help to take on John McCain, the Republican National Committee, and the shady so-called 527 groups that are dedicated to attacking this campaign using millions of dollars in unregulated contributions. Please support this movement by making a donation of $25 by Midnight tonight: https://donate.barackobama.com/deadlinejune

Together we are setting a new standard for how presidential campaigns will be
organized and funded. For the first time in a generation, a presidential
campaign is putting staff in every single state for the general election. Our
staff and the Obama Organizing Fellows are getting to work right now to build on
grassroots energy in all 50 states. And -- unlike John McCain -- we're going to
do it without contributions from Washington lobbyists and special interest PACs
that have held too much power for far too long in this country.
By putting our organizational and financial future in your hands, it's clear who will be responsible for our success and who we will be accountable to in the White
House: the people. But in order to match the resources of our opponents, we're
going to have to do more and get more people involved than ever before. Your
donation of $25 right now will help make that happen: https://donate.barackobama.com/deadlinejune
I'm counting on you to take the lead and build this campaign. The stakes couldn't be higher, and every American who hopes for something better from their government is counting on us.
Thank you, Barack

I was annoyed. For one thing, as I recall, the "so called 527 groups" were a loophole made for lobbyists largely because in 2002, the McCain-Feingold act closed all of the others, leaving this one because the Democrats in Congress screamed about it. Before 2002, of course, it wasn't an issue since candidates could spend soft money any way they wanted to.

There is a world of difference between groups like the Swift Boaters and groups like MoveOn (which, to be fair, is no longer a 527, citing "new politics from the Obama campaign - the cynical part of me wants to see this as a strong message from the Obama camp that MoveOn has become a liability, not an asset). For one thing, although the Swift Boat Veterans were largely credited with torpedoing Kerry's campaign in 2004 (to make an apropros pun), they were formed for the express purpose of addressing the deficiencies of one candidate for one office. MoveOn was formed in 1997 as a response to the Clinton impeachment proceedings, has been a major player in every election from then until now, and is largely credited with the 2006 Democrat takeover of Congress.

Disavowing 527's is probably a good move, and it's one shared by both candidates; McCain has been very critical of them in the past, and remains so today - he was one of the few prominent Republican senators on the sidelines in 2004 that was openly and vocally critical of the Swift Boat Veterans.

No, it's the characterization of Obama's campaign as being "different", the constant drumbeat of "hope" and "change" that offends me. His campaign is playing no less dirty than any other political election in the history of this country, and to paraphrase a famous quotation, those with respect for politics and sausages should never watch either being produced. I realize that's his platform, and it's a pretty good choice considering that he manages to pivot on just about every issue the campaign comes up with, but still....

Anyway, I decided to try unenrolling - went to the Obama site, wrote a complaint, asked to be disenrolled from their mailing list. why they put me on the mailing list in the first place is beyond me, considering my only contact with the campaign was a complaint about their conduct. How that translates into my being a supporter....whatever.

So I went to check my mail, seeing that there's more spam in there, and guess what? More Obama mail! I'll try disenrolling again in a few days and make it clear that the campaign is now in violation of the federal statutes on unsolicited bulk email.

The more I see of Obama, the less I like

2008-07-03T22:36:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'll grant you that the guy isn't personally responsible for everything done in the areas he represents in Congress. I think it'd be fair to say that he's probably going to be pretty blindsided by this one, although in my opinion a presidential candidate should be well aware of all of his own dirty laundry.

That being said, he does bear a significant amount of responsibility for the flow of money and policies that created this. There are photos here.

This kind of wasteful, willful neglect makes me ill on a level that's hard to really put into words.

Back and forth

2008-07-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I promised I'd post baby updates, so for those of you that have asked (being aware when Red's due date is...), here 'tis.

No baby yet.

Tuesday evening, she ate a hamburger, and evidently something about it wasn't good, because I took her in to the hospital yesterday morning with extreme nausea and abdominal cramping. We got as far as the Labor & Delivery triage room before the puking started. The attending physician decided to admit her for 24-hr observation after they realized how dehydrated she was quickly getting (9mo pregnant + dehydration = bad juju).

Anyway, she's feeling better-ish this morning, and although the doctors said it was close enough to her due date that they'd just kinda push things along if she could get going, of course he's being contrary and is happily sitting in there. I did get to see his little face yesterday - they were afraid Red had a problem with her gall bladder, so they did an ultrasound and were good enough to take a look at the Podling while they were at it. He has his mother's nose and the fattest little cheeks you ever saw.

Good time at the beach

2008-07-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

Poor Misti is from Arizona, and left 116 F weather to come shoot with me in Oregon. It was nice out there....70-75 F or so, which was great for me. She was freezing.

All the same, I got a message from her earlier today saying she'd landed a job at home from my photos! How cool is that?

Kid perspectives

2008-06-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Thing 2: Oh, hey. You got chocolate syrup at the store!
Red: Yep.
Thing 2: Did you get any ice cream to put under it?
___________________________________________

Me: (seeing Thing 1 furiously scrubbing at something in the bathroom sink) Whatcha doin?
Thing 1: (looking up with a you-stupid-adult look) Washing rocks.
-=pause=-
Me: Why....are you washing rocks?
-=pause=-
Thing 1: Because....they're dirty?

'Nudder baby update, and Overheard

2008-06-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

So here we are in Labor & Delivery on a bright Monday morning. Red's lying here trying to pretend that her labor pangs don't really hurt that much (and simultaneously succeeding totally and failing utterly, which if you have been thru this you understand, right?). I have my laptop out and am perusing today's news, trying to find something interesting to help her keep her mind off the fact that she's in pain.

Me: Oh no!

Red: What?

Me: George Carlin died last night.

Red: Uh oh. You know what that means, don't you?

Me: No, what?

Red: If this kid's born now, he'll be born with George Carlin's soul. Just the fact that he's your son, and will be a smartass, is bad enough.

Me: I'm totally blogging that.

Edit: about 12 hours later - they sent us home, as Red wasn't "far enough" along, although since I'm no OB/GYN nurse, I have a hard time seeing how a woman in obvious pain and labor isn't "enough".

Tagged

2008-06-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Kate tagged me, sharin the love. I don't know five people to tag, though, being an antisocial sort...but here goes, I'll share since it's all about Me. I'd like to point out that a number of my answers are very close to Kate's, however, I actually didn't read what she wrote before answering the questions and I think the similarity is amusing as hell.

What were you doing five years ago?
Five years ago, Red and I had cautiously extended the feelers of post-divorce attraction. She was getting divorced, and I'd just filed. The kids were living with their father, I was staying in a very small apartment on the other side of town, and had just left one very bad work situation to go to something better.

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1) Home-made tortilla chips and home-made tomatillo salsa.
2) Souls of people that piss me off.
3) Pita bread with my sister's home-made hummus (zomg that's some good stuff)
4) Sourdough toast with mayo, sun-warmed fresh tomato slices and Walla-Walla onions.
5) Chocolate chip cookies, but only the home-made ones that either Red or her oldest daughter make. (Thank God that Little Red inherited her mother's ability to bake)

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1) I'd buy my own island in the South Pacific, put a house on it, a boat dock, and all of the other assorted things to live there.
2) Learn to fly a plane and buy one.
3) Buy the homes that all of my family is living in and gift them with the deed (ie. settle their mortgage).
4) Buy toys. Lots of toys. The kind of ridiculous toys that only people who are very, very wealthy want because they can have them, not because they satisfy needs of any particular sort.
5) Hire a personal assistant to take a list of people that have annoyed me over the years and hand-deliver a personal insult directly to each of them.

What are five of your bad habits?
As I was getting ready to start this section, Red walked up behind me, laughed, and said, "I'll list them." I declined politely.
1) Apparently I snore. I don't believe it, but she says I do. No proof exists.
2) MMORPG's are a love of mine. They're addictive, time-consuming, and Red says I need a support group.
3) I can't stop myself most of the time from being brutally, bluntly, and often cruelly honest. This is particularly true when I'm dealing with officious or obnoxious bureaucrats. I do, in fact, actually get sort of a thrill from utterly verbally destroying people that piss me off, and Red says I get giddy and giggly.
4) I pontificate. I'd elaborate, but it seems unnecessary.
5) I was going to post something about procrastination, but I think I'll get back to that.

What are five places where you have lived?
1) Gold Beach, Oregon
2) Coos Bay, Oregon
3) Monmouth, Oregon
4) McMinnville, Oregon
5) Salem, Oregon

Yeah, I know, I've lived in Oregon. A lot.

What are five jobs you've had?
1) McDonald's
2) Security guard
3) Travelling souvenir sales professional on a train.
4) Indentured servant to the government
5) Photographer

As I said at the top, I can't tag five people, because I'm an antisocial bastard.

Baby update

2008-06-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I posted anything about how my little guy is faring along the road to birth. Red has been in and out of labor since about 7 yesterday morning, and we were at the Labor & Delivery unit of our local hospital until about midnight last night. Things are a-movin!

Apparently, the big reason we aren't welcoming him to the world just yet is that he was facing the wrong direction (front, rather than back). Red got him flipped around last night after coming home, and I think both of them are more comfortable now. Her labor pains have eased off a bit, but she's still having regular contractions about 10 minutes apart, which hasn't changed since yesterday.

My sister suggested she do some jumping jacks - I had another suggestion I won't repeat here, and fortunately I was out of reach or she might have smacked me. I think we'll plant some things in the back yard and do some yard work out front, then maybe go for a walk....that should do it.

Obama campaign responds!

2008-06-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

Heh.

Dear Friend, (An unwarranted assumption, but understandable given that this is pretty obviously a form letter. I'm not a Friend Of Obama, particularly not now...)

Thank you for contacting us. Senator Obama has the deepest respect for
Law Enforcement Officers and their families, especially those who have
made the ultimate sacrifice to protect their fellow Americans. Wasn't this the same guy that was saying religiouis gun-loving blue collar people are bitter and disillusioned...?

We deeply regret the mistake that was made. I bet you do. Now that people have pointed out that it happened... When we learned about the incident, we immediately reached out to the Portland Police Department and the Portland Police Association and sent a formal letter of apology. Please find the text of that letter below.

Thank you again for contacting us.

Sincerely,

Obama for America

It's not much of an apology, to be honest. I note with some interest that the good Senator's campaign isn't apologizing to me (because, you know, I complained about it, but I'm not a cop, don't have a family member that's a cop, or have had a family member that's a cop who's died in the line of duty). Anyway, here's the rest of the email.

Dear Chief Sizer and President King:

When we learned about the Portland Police Memorial, we shared your
disappointment and concern. We offer our deepest apologies to the Portland
Police Department, the Portland Police Association, and the families
and colleagues of those who have fallen in the line of duty.

We want to assure you and your fellow officers that no disrespect was
intended. An unacceptable error in judgment was made while trying to
accommodate disabled supporters. The Obama campaign takes full
responsibility and apologizes for any pain this incident may have caused.

Senator Obama has the deepest respect for law enforcement officers
across the country who make our streets safer and our families more secure,
and for those who have made the ultimate sacrifice on our behalf. Our
campaign has nothing but respect for Portland’s dedicated police
officers.

We want to be clear -this type of mistake will not be repeated. On
behalf of the Obama for America campaign, we are sorry.If you would like to
discuss further or have any questions, please do not hesitate to
contact us.

Sincerely,

Rob Hill
Oregon for Obama State Director

I stand by what I said in my previous post, Senator. Take your boorish, elitist campaign out of my state and stay there. "Honest mistake" doesn't begin to cover it - granted, a candidate can't be held 100% responsible for his subordinates, but ultimately, he's the guy in charge of picking the people around him. So far, I remain wholly unimpressed.

Fun with commenters

2008-06-11T19:56:00.000-07:00

Normally, I'd delete the second comment on the previous post , but I couldn't resist the comparison:

Kredit ohne Schufa said...
I want to do nothing with you.I want to love you only.I think you should not lose your vote.

Me love you chicken-head style, ten dollah!

Are you fucking kidding me????

2008-06-05T19:56:00.000-07:00

It's not like McCain is in danger of losing my vote, but come ON. Do you really want somebody at the helm of this country with this little sensitivity?

PORTLAND, OR – Police officers in Portland, Oregon, are still waiting for an apology from Barack Obama after campaign staffers of his recent rally in Portland, Oregon, setup porta potties directly on top of the Portland Police Memorial, which honors the agency’s 25 fallen police officers...

Edit: left this for Obama at his campaign webpage:

Senator Obama,

As a long-time Oregon resident and an independent voter, I want to express my disgust at the lack of tact and sensitivity exhibited by your campaign this last week in Portland. I wasn't seriously considering voting for you anyway, but until recently, I hadn't ruled it out.

How dare you disgrace the memory of our fallen police officers by placing toilets directly in the middle of the memorial to them? I honestly don't know what's worse, the fact that it happened in the first place or the half-assed apology sort-of proffered as justification. Do you honestly expect us to believe that out of the entire city of Portland the only place your campaign organizers could find to place the toilets was in the midst of a memorial to cops killed in the line of duty?

You won't be getting my vote, Senator. Take your elitism and your boorish company out of my state and stay there.

Got this canned response by email. Somehow I have a feeling most of their mail is positive, or at least they try to put a positive spin on it.

Thank you for contacting Obama for America. The volume of messages we’re receiving has gone up since Barack’s victory in Iowa. While we cannot respond individually to over a thousand messages per day, the level of interest and thoughtfulness of the comments reflected in these communications are very gratifying. Your thoughts on our campaign and America's future are greatly appreciated.Individual citizens like you are the foundation of this campaign.

Yep. That's me all right. Takin' my foundation and getting the hell away from this idiot.

Disclaimer, repost

2008-06-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

I made mention of this before, but I'm reposting due to the relatively large number of spam comments I've been getting recently.

Spambot comments will be summarily deleted without notice or apology.

In short...fuck off and quit wasting my time deleting your "comments".

There is a God

2008-06-03T13:54:00.001-07:00

And He has chosen for whatever reason to smile upon me.

Got my laptop back from the vendor. Intact. :)

Statecraft I can get behind

2008-06-01T13:11:00.001-07:00

Negotiation with hard-to-reach regimes in places nobody wants to go? Sure.
Exercising the power of statecraft with military precision. Okay.

Meeting the GODS OF ROCK in Sweden? *best Bill & Ted voice* Excellent.... :)

About that scarf...

2008-05-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a political post in a while, probably because so much of it seems like the sort of hysterical doomsday predictions one might expect from a classroom of third graders. That goes for both sides, of course....anyway, about that scarf kerfuffle that some of the hard-core right-wing blogs started having a fit about, well, when even Kate had something to say about it, I kinda felt I had to put in my two cents.

First off, my take on it is much like the Jawa Report's. I don't think it's obviously a kaffiyeh...frankly, it looks like exactly what Ray and Dunkin Donuts said it was, which is a simple scarf purchased for the purpose of the shoot, covered in a paisley pattern, and saying it's a kaffiyeh is silly at best.

Kate is also right to point out that the kaffiyeh, by any of its multiple names, is a functional and traditional part of Arab dress, and some variant of it can be found all over the world in any place where it's hot. She's right that simply wearing one doesn't make one a terrorist, or even a sympathizer with one. I disagree with her on the rest of her post, though, largely because a kaffiyeh with the pattern on it popularized by Arafat and others is not just a piece of cloth, and it's not just a headdress. It's a symbol, and saying otherwise is dangerously simplistic.

When a similar mode of dress, and here I'm talking specifically about the version of the kaffiyeh worn by Arafat, is explicitly worn to identify affiliation with a particular movement, political philosophy, racial identity, etc. the act of doing so creates that connection, whether it was there to begin with or not, as long as one is aware of that connection. The PLO's stated goal since its inception has been to destroy Israel, Arafat's repudiation of that in 1998 notwithstanding; there is an inescapable and very real connection between the violence between the various Arabic and Islamic groups and Israel, and the symbols that the two sides rally around every time things heat up. The kaffiyeh is one of those symbols; Arafat wore one every single time he was in public and became associated with it.

One might just as well say the same of lots of other things, though. In certain parts of Los Angeles, wearing either a blue or a red shirt during the mid-80's was tantamount to a death sentence. Schools these days restrict students from wearing clothing closely associated with gangs as a way of keeping their rivalry off school property - it doesn't always work, but one has to start somewhere. Seventy years ago, one group of people in Europe was forced to wear armbands with a yellow six-pointed star on them shortly before six million of them were hauled off and slaughtered. The color red in Russia, China, and most of Eastern Europe has a particular connotation that the rest of the world doesn't. Take some white stars, and thirteen alternating stripes of red and white, put it on a rectangular piece of cloth, and refuse to take it off the pole it's on because some people are shooting at you, and you have the inspiration for the USA's national anthem. A vehicle with two perpendicular intersecting red bars on a white background on a battlefield has come to be connected with medical attention. The list goes on and on and on, endlessly.

People look for meaning where there might not otherwise be any. We associate shapes, colors, patterns, and textures with particular concepts, it's just how we're wired. Take a kaffiyeh of plain white, hold it in place with a simple black agal, and put it on a blue-eyed Caucasian man, and you evoke Lawrence of Arabia. Take one of white with a black spiderweb pattern on it, or a red and white, and you're possibly associating yourself with the Palestinian intifada. Granted, it's not that simplistic....but the connection is there and either ignoring it or ridiculing those that do make that connection is also simplistic. Granted, there are other associations than the ones we're talking about, but meanings change. Context changes. People change.

As a good example of this kind of connection, let's take it out of the realm of Rachael Ray, Dunkin Donuts, or even Yasser Arafat. Zombietime has done a number of photo essays on this subject, so go have a look at two from this month (and read the comments, which in my opinion are the best part):

Nakba-60 - 4th, 6th, 8th, 11th, and particularly the 17th photo of the banner, masked boys shooting rocks with slingshots, a Merkava tank, et al. There's way more, but you'll get my point, just keep scrolling.

UC Berkely's Palestinian Checkpoint - the one of the students in line, about 5 photos down.

San Francisco isn't arid or that hot. The predominant population there is not Arabic. QED, there is another connotation in mind. Is it as simple as "fashionable scarves"? Maybe. Americans have a tendency to do that sort of thing, else there would be no market at all for Che Guevara or Chairman Mao merchandise (15 seconds with Google found those latter two....you don't have to go far), both of which show a deeply distressing lack of historical knowledge about what those two were all about...or else an equally distressing amount of apathy.

I agree with Kate that the whole thing is a hysterical overreaction on the part of both Michelle Malkin and Charles Johnson. I disagree, however, that it's as simple as "kaffiyehs have been around for thousands of years, way before Arafat or the Palestinians, so wearing one doesn't mean diddly." One might say the same of the swastika.

Edit: Kate rightly points out in the comments that I paraphrased her post inaccurately. The part of her post that I read that way was this one:

What hole do Malkin and Johnson live in that they’re convinced the keffiyeh is, in and of itself, a symbol of terrorism? Or that a woman’s wearing of it means, well, anything?
The keffiyeh (also known as the shmagh, shemagh, ghutra, hatta or mashada), is a traditional Arabic men’s headdress. It’s a functional piece of clothing designed to protect the head and neck from the arid, blistering heat of the Middle East. As such, it’s been around for thousands of years — long before Yasser Arafat, the Taliban or any other Islamic extremists.
To argue that, because terrorists have been seen wearing such clothing, anyone who wears similar items must also be a terrorist is laughable.

Laptop update

2008-05-26T15:33:00.000-07:00

I mentioned previously that there was still some hope of rescuing any of my data from my laptop. Turns out it's not the case - everything I've done since August of last year is totally unrecoverable.

Dammit.

In praise of McDonald's

2008-05-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

Kate's oldest is sixteen and has her first job. I was reading through the comments attached to that post and it got me all nostalgic about my first job. I was really lucky, you see....my first job was at McDonald's.

The notion of "flipping burgers" as somehow demeaning is one I've never really understood. For one thing, my grandparents called things like that an "opportunity", and after watching the way Dad worked while I was growing up, I've no doubt he'd see it the same way. Granted, it's a largely unskilled job that doesn't pay well...but you know what? There is no job...ever...for which education has fully prepared the newly hired fresh meat. Ever.

For another thing, McDonald's is not the easy sit-on-your-ass type job that a lot of people seem to think it is. Let me tell you, you've never experienced bust-your-ass-working until you've been the only cook in a McDonald's kitchen when a busload of post-event teenage wrestlers come in ready to eat the paint off the walls. That is panic making.

Things I learned at McDonald's are legion, and I thought I'd share a few.

1) If you have time to lean, you have time to clean. (My kids hate that one)

2) A paycheck received at the end of two weeks' time spent working the entire evening until 1:30-2AM is eminently more satisfying than being handed money for having done nothing, regardless of the amount.

3) Working quickly does you no good if you don't do it right the first time. Somebody will always catch on and make you do it over.

4) Assembly-line manufacturing, be it automobiles or food, can create a truly amazing amount of stuff in a very short time period.

There's more, but Red and I have to go register for our upcoming baby shower. :)

Most awesome suspenseful moment ever

2008-05-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Let me first say I don't really care for the pageant dog-and-pony show that American Idol has become. I don't really enjoy watching the beginning auditions, aside from the odd snarky comment or two from Simon...after all, he does come up with some memorable zingers from time to time. Largely, it bores me to the point of actual cellular decay.

The middle of the show? Eh...some good, some bad, mostly mediocre with an occasional "Wow, you gotta check this out" moment. That's what DVR's are for.

We got in the habit around here a long time ago of recording everything we want to watch and seeing it anywhere from half an hour to days later, skipping the irritating commercials as we go. Again, remember, I'm really not an Idol fan, particularly.

Imagine, then, if you will, my absolute delight and utter enjoyment when the big moment arrived, and Ryan Seacrest went to announce the winner...after sitting through the whole torturous two hours of show preceeding it...and got as far as, "And the winner...of American Idol...2008....is....." -=bink=- recording over.

I laughed so hard I cried. God, I"m still laughing as I type. I had to go online for the girls and find out that David Cook won (he's definitely got the emo vote, my 14 yr old loves him to itsy bitsy squooshy bits), because they were threatening me with bodily harm if I didn't.

Say it with me....LOL.

Smackdown the way it should be done.

2008-05-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

Rachel Lucas is...well, I can't say she's a goddess, because she's an athiest. But she's awesome. Go read.

Catastrophe

2008-05-18T11:07:00.001-07:00

Hopefully it's not of the Really Really Bad variety, but my laptop got set in the direct sun the other day, and the ambient temperature here was over 100F. I was trying to burn a DVD of photos and my laptop just went -=poof=-. Now it won't come back on.

It's weird getting used to my desktop computer again. Hopefully I can get my laptop back up and running, as it's got my last years' worth of photos on it. Thankfully, most of it's backed up on the backup drive I have, but not everything's there. If I can't get it fixed, I can't replace either the laptop or the content, so hopefully this won't really really suck.

Stay tuned.

Edit: Well, there's good news and there's bad news.

The good news is that the laptop is under full-coverage warranty (having listened to Red and purchased it, boy am I glad I did), and I did a full backup in January.

The bad news is that the hard drive, motherboard, CPU, and probably most of the rest of the innards were completely fried when it blew. The service people are trying to fix it now, but I won't have it back for about two weeks. Also not good is the nothing-since-January lack of backups, which sucks a lot.

I am displeased, but I think I've learned my lesson about not backing up regularly.

Great definition

2008-05-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

Committee:

A coalition of the unwilling, chosen from the unable, to carry out the unnecessary.

Disturbing mail

2008-05-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

I got a gift certficate for a Free Panty with purchase of an Angels Bra from Victoria's Secret in today's mail. I can't decide, are the powers that be trying to tell me I'm playing for the wrong team here, or giving me a not-so-subtle hint on what to get Red for her birthday a couple of months from now?

Weird.

Nice pictures on it, though. I know, I know. BAD WG. NO DONUT.

Overheard

2008-05-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: To understand this anecdote, you must understand that when Little Red was a toddler, she absolutely LOVED spicy food - she would drink salsa straight at Mexican restaurants. After an incident at the age of 4 in which a habanero was mistaken for a cherry tomato, she refused to eat anything that was spicy, even black pepper & salt.

Me: Did you guys like the (curried turkey with lemon) soup?

Little Red: Yeah....

Red: What? You didn't like it?

Little Red: It was kinda bland.

Me: I made it a lot less spicy than I would have otherwise, because your mother's stomach can't handle food that's really spicy.

Little Red: Yeah, but I thought you were gonna make it all flavorey, like you're supposed to.

Red: Flavorey???? (laughing)

Presented without comment

2008-04-28T20:34:00.001-07:00

Edit: Okay, obviously I need to leave a comment of some sort, because I keep getting comments and emails about where these photos have been seen before. Perhaps you missed the sideline over to the right that says all images here are copyright 2007 or 2008 Groundwerks Productions?

No, you haven't seen these photos before, unless you saw them here or on my Model Mayhem profile. I guarantee it...as I took them the Sunday before I posted both of them. I personally know both of the models; they are friends of mine. I know the location - it is in Salem, Oregon at Copperjohn's Pub. I know the photographer...he's me.

K? K.

Overheard

2008-04-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Me: dude i am so tired.

The Bike Owner: ?

Me: i was so groggy when i got up this morning i put aftershave gel in my hair.

The Bike Owner: lol Bet your hair was cool and refreshed

Me: lol that's totally going in my blog

Oh, now this is bad news.

2008-04-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hurricanes? I can deal with that.

Rising seas? Okay, not good, but we can handle that.

Climate change? Definitely not good, but it could be worse.

This is truly bad.

An Associated Press report details the findings from climate scientist Jim Salinger, who presented his research at the Institute of Brewing and Distilling's annual convention in Wellington, New Zealand. The grim results? Climate change may affect the production of malting barley, an ingredient crucial to the tasty beers we all know and love.

Overheard

2008-04-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

Setting: Little Red's choir concert last night, sitting in the fourth row back with Red and Thing #1 on one side of me and Thing #2 on the other. In between two songs was this little exchange.

Thing #2: (whispering) I'm really hungry. Can I go get something out of the vending machine?

Me: (whispering) No. They won't let you leave in the middle of a performance, and I don't have any money on me anyway.

Thing #2: We could cut off your beard and dye it green. That would fool the machine.

Me: I don't think that would work so well...and I like my beard, thanks very much.

Thing #2: Your breath stinks a lot.

Me: That's because I didn't get a chance to brush my teeth since lunchtime.

Thing #2: You're a very gross man.

Yes....we do care.

2008-04-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Instapundit links to a story from Advertiser's Age highlighting something that's bugged me for a long time; the increasingly negative portrayal of men in general, and fathers specifically, in the popular media from the news to sitcoms. Like the two readers that Glenn cites in the updated post, I've also changed brands and refused to use both services and products because of offensive advertising.

When the hell did it become okay to default to portraying fathers as buffoons or the clueless straight man to a wise cracking wife? Even the Cosby Show used this gimmick, although I'll admit that Bill Cosby's version wasn't anywhere near as offensive as, say, the George Lopez Show or Everybody Loves Raymond (I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than have either of those inflicted on me).

The worst part about this kind of emasculation - and that's precisely what it is - is that somehow it's seen as okay. The article I linked to above makes mention of this phenomenon - journalists doing a story on male-bashing ads and entertainment are "astounded" at men being offended by this sort of thing. Why is that?

The only thing I can figure is that somehow, gently poking fun at the stereotype lost its humor along the way and became simple mean-spirited bashing. You don't have to go far online to find whole websites devoted to this radical sort of feminism, which I think is pathetic and sad. Remember Amanda Marcotte? No? Do a Google search on her, or look at the Wikipedia page....and she's by no means the most frothing-at-the-mouth type out there. She simply had a bigger megaphone. It's a simple and straightforward case of women-as-eternal-victims that has come full circle to the man being the target of what is, if one were to turn it around and make a woman or a minority the target of it, obviously offensive pandering to our worst natures.

Overheard

2008-04-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

Me: I like those electronic billboards; they seem classier. You know, less paper peeling and graffiti. They're cool.

Red: I hate them.

Me: Why?

Red: Because there are too many stupid people out on the road that get distracted by shiny things. I can just see us sitting here at the light, with some idiot in front of us mesmerized by the sign, going, "Hey!!!! Fucker!!! Green light!!!"

A truly rare opportunity.

2008-04-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

How often do you get to use Fucking in a sentence as a proper noun instead of a verb, an adjective, or an adverb? I mean, really.

Update: Truly, an excellent bit of trivia.

Take that, Rachel Lucas!

2008-04-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

34

h/t Rachel Lucas

Muah ha ha ha haaaa

2008-03-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

Most awesome series of pranks Ever.

Not that I'd laugh at other peoples' difficulties, because that would be wrong, and I would not do such a thing.

(h/t: Instapundit)

Joy

2008-03-31T21:40:00.000-07:00

So I got to see Bill Clinton today.

Four hours of traffic congestion, two hours of a standing line outside my office building by people hoping it wouldn't rain, special treatment of the students on campus, and a great deal of enjoyment seeing a middle-aged manager get giddy and squealy at seeing an ex-President from across the street for approximately eight seconds was had.

The fun bit was hearing about Mr. Clinton's handling of a 20-something heckler inside who kept interrupting him. It went something like, "Young man, I've come a long way, and some of these people here have waited hours outside in the cold to see me. You've been trying to give my speech for me since I got here...now, I'm willing to let you have your say. I'll tell you what. I'll finish my speech, and when I'm done, I'm going to give you a few minutes up here on stage to talk. We'll see if anybody stays to listen to you. K?"

Like him or not, you have to admire the man's ability to handle a crowd. :)

Don't bring a knife to an idiot fight.

2008-03-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

Heh. I bet they could find this guy at the dentists, if anybody's lookin for him.

Other than the cops, that is. Chances are he's enough of a loser that nobody cares. lol

I swear to god, this is gonna be my son

2008-03-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

I think funniest bit is the laugh about 3/4 of the way thru from the baby. :)

My hero

2008-03-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

Heh.

Fair warning

2008-03-19T23:31:00.001-07:00

The next person that tells me expectant fathers have it "easy" is going to get kicked in the shins.

That is all.

Baby 1, Cat 0

2008-03-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

Snuggles is a big cat (no I wasn't the one that named him, but it's apt enough). He's cute, but he's not the brightest cat, either. He got his first taste of what's in store for all five of our cats last night when he was lying in one of his favorite spots across Red's belly. My little pirate booted him in the chest, and of course he looked up at Red with this very puzzled "What the fuck?" face. She told him, "Wasn't me, dude, I didn't do it."

He didn't take the hint the first time, but after getting nailed a couple of times more, I think he decided that this particular mattress had too much attitude and too many lumps, because he got up and sat at Red's feet giving her dirty looks.

This one's for Sis

2008-03-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

Not sure if she reads my blog...probably not, actually, but on the off chance you see this one, A....

Fun with Liberals

2008-03-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

There's a joke where I work, told only in certain company, that if you're a) white, b) male, and c) straight, then you don't get to be diverse...diversity only refers to people that aren't one of those, see? I got a graphic illustration of that earlier today, and I had to share, since I'm not one, not two, but (you guessed it) all three.

I got a link to this news story via my official email. It wasn't a press release, or anything from the Director's Office stating that it was to be distributed. It came, in fact, from somebody with a gmail address, via somebody with a Comcast address, and is the sort of thing I ignore as spam. The subject line, though, was "Fwd: US Violates International Human Rights of People of Color" (there's that term again - see people without color don't have those rights...got it?), which was different enough from the usual glurge that I made the mistake of opening it. Mind you, passing along chain letters is a no-no to begin with, but that's a whole separate issue.

If you're a bit conservative, as I am, you might find that article a bit bad for your blood pressure. The "UN Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination", huh? I didn't hear any outrage from them during any of the half-dozen "ethnic cleansing" purges in various parts of the world, probably because the countries doing the purging and/or in charge of the Human Rights Commission are the self-same countries that have state-sponsored ways of dealing with pesky minorities....Libya, Syria, China....you know. Them.

Anyway, it struck me as amusing that the guy pushing this article is the "diversity" guy for our office, which given the person in question is much like putting lipstick on a pig. I'll call him Clueless Multiculturalist, or CM for the purposes of the rest of this post. I sent him a polite email:

WG: I'd really prefer not to receive this sort of thing. I find it highly offensive; please don't forward me this kind of garbage in the future. Thanks.

Not suprisingly, I got a short reply a bit later:

CM: Not everything in this world is fair, just like I will not take you off any staff list. In the future if you get something from me that you find offensive please just delete it. Any info that is send out to staff is for informatino only so you are empowered to not read it or delete it.

Isn't that sweet? Passing along offensive forwards is okay because the world isn't fair. Mind you, I never asked for him to alter the distribution list (which by the way is the "official" one) - I asked that he not send it to me. But I'm empowered to not read it. This blew my mind. Here's the guy in charge of diversity telling me that if I'm offended by something he says or passes along that he's not supposed to to begin with, then I'm empowered to not be offended by virtue of the fact that I don't have to open his email.

Rather than explain this to him, I wrote him back and attempted to point out one small flaw in his cunning plan.

WG: The fact that you're using a staff list distribution group to distribute content you've been informed is offensive should be a cue of your own; you're empowered to create your own distribution lists.
I'll refer you back to this conversation the next time you ask me why I didn't get the memo.

What the hell, a little Office Space humor never hurt anybody. His reply:

CM Again, WG, do whatever you need to do with the information you get, but I will not take you off ay of my list since you are part of this branch/agency. What ever you do with your email is up to you and it's not my concern. I will not play this silly game with you so drop it.

I love the sound of righteous indignation in the morning. Now he's offended that I was offended! Not only that, my expressing (twice) that I simply didn't want to be included any longer in the distribution of offensive content went sailing right past him - he doesn't have the administrator rights to our email system to make the changes he's insisting he won't make anyway. I suppose I could have continued pummeling him with the clue bat, but he was getting all huffy and indignant on me, and we can't have that. Red refers to him as the "Mayor of Munchkin-land", because he looks like the guy in the Wizard of Oz, and when he gets upset he tends to swell up a bit, huff and puff, and make general unpleasantness for all around him.

I did, however, create an email-handling rule just for him. Now everything he sends that reaches me goes directly to the trash - I'd have set up one to auto-deny everything, thus preventing delivery, but in order to do that I'd have to have set up an auto-reply function, whish is a major no-no. I asked an IT friend of mine what would have happened if I'd forwarded it to the list of known spam addresses from senders, and he said that although he wasn't sure, it might have auto-blacklisted the entire department's email system.

Good thing I didn't do that. >:)

No wonder she's a bit nuts

2008-03-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

I would be too, if the people that were supposed to be gatekeepers kept doing this kind of thing. Firing them isn't enough - criminal prosecution could and should follow under the provisions of HIPAA.

Horrifying, and sad.

Too good not to share

2008-03-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

Ran across this at Hot Air. Personal politics aside, isn't it nice to see a pompous ass get what's coming to him? Watch the video, that's some good stuff right there.

This one's for Dad

2008-03-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

hee hee hee......

Why didn't Darwin talk about this?

2008-03-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

Sure, less successful species who are fundamentally less fit to survive their environment tend to die out...but how do you explain the continued existence and procreation of this kind of stupidity? All I can think is that Londoners are well and truly determined to deevolve themselves out of step with the rest of us.

(h/t Rachel Lucas, who I wanna be like when/if I grow up)

I've found a candidate I can get behind!

2008-03-05T21:37:00.000-08:00

You stay in front. I'll be back here.

(h/t Youtube Smackdown )

Dropping like flies

2008-03-05T08:56:00.000-08:00

First one uncle, then another this last weekend, in my family has passed away. William F Buckley died just a few days ago. And now I get the news that Gary Gygax died yesterday.

If you don't know who Gary Gygax was, follow the link since Wikipedia has a pretty good rundown on who he was and what he was about. Suffice to say, his work influenced the creative portion of my life in a major way from about the age of twelve to today.

Gestational rhythm?

2008-02-25T21:53:00.000-08:00

So Red, Thing 1 and Thing 2, the Podling, and I all went to watch Little Red's choir performance. It was a really impressive show - the music programs in this school district really have their act together. Along the way, we discovered something...apparently the Podling has both a good grasp on musical rhythm and likes all-male a capella groups that sing about dames. Red gasped about halfway through the performance, leaned over, and had me put my hand on her belly. "He's kicking me in time with the music!" she said. Sure enough, he was.

Neat!

Best advice I've ever heard

2008-02-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

Don't talk back to Darth Vader. He'll gitcha!

(h/t: The Jawa Report)

What, again?

2008-02-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

Ralph Nader, this one's for you.

News on the burger front

2008-02-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

Like any red-blooded American male in his 30's, I like burgers. Cheeseburgers are a particular favorite, and the toppings may vary from avocados to yogurt. Variety is good....generally.

So imagine my reaction, if you will, when Red found this for me and pointed it out. My first reaction, naturally, was something along the lines of Dear God in heaven, who thought THAT was a good idea???? Moments later, I have to admit, I also thought I wonder how it tastes?

I was a band geek in high-school. My best friend (I'll call him Charger Driver) and I both played trombone, and his capacity for food was legendary. Mind you, now he's a cop and is, physically, quite a bit bigger than I am - he wrestles evildoers into submission, and I type, so it's not suprising. In high school, however, he weighed maybe 100 lbs soaking wet and carrying a pair of barbells. He redefined "skinny little white boy," even though he could consume more food in a sitting than any three other people I know put together, and if you'd ever seen some of my college buddies, you'd understand why that's really saying something.

One fine band trip, Charger Driver and I were convinced we were starving, having ridden in the middle of a smelly bus full of other teens for four hours and having finished the large bag of chips he'd brought with him within about 20 minutes of beginning the trip. At last, we stopped for food. Pretty much everybody went in the direction of the Burger King, Taco Bell, and other assorted such places, but just a bit further away was a McDonald's, and under those heavenly arches was a signboard proclaiming that "QUARTER POUNDERS W/CHEESE $1". He looked at me. I looked at him. Nothing further needed to be said, other than pooling the money the two of us had on us and bolting to be first there.

In we went, discovering that we had between us $17. We walked up to the counter, and ordered 11 Quarter Pounders with Cheese, four large $1 fries, and two $1 Cokes. The pimply-faced girl with braces behind the counter looked at the two skinny boys standing in front of her, dumbfounded, and then kept looking nervously at the doors, expecting either another group of kids to come in, or probably us to leap over the counter and begin chewing on her leather shoes. Of course, we did neither, but we did take the three trays of food they produced back to a table, and began to eat with a gusto that can only really be described in terms of industrial ore-processing machinery. I ate three of those Quarter Pounders, one Coke, and one of the large fries. Charger Driver ate the rest.

All of it.

So when I say I found a burger that I think could even satisfy him in one go, you know it's going to be something fairly impressive.

Likes and dislikes

2008-02-22T20:13:00.000-08:00

For some time now, Red and I have known that the baby enjoys music, of pretty much any kind. We've narrowed that down a bit.

He likes Beethoven, Chopin, Mozart, disco of pretty much any kind, AC/DC, Metallica, and most 80's pop rock.

He does not like the Chicken Dance song.

A moon with a view

2008-02-21T19:22:00.001-08:00

While I was shooting this second one, I had my hand shading the shutter and the other shading the lens from passing cars behind me and off to one side. It was a several-second exposure, and a guy came walking his dog from the side. The dog saw me first and went totally apeshit, because there I was, standing very still (trying not to jar my lens) and not saying anything. I think I scared both of them into another life, and I probably gave the guy's wife something to say when she sees the skid marks in his undies.

Podling update

2008-02-12T11:44:00.000-08:00

Red and I just got back from the first big ultrasound....

It's a boy!!!!!!

You'll have to excuse me now, I have to go email the universe.

A Clever Sheep

My son is obsessed with a small red-head

Bleh

An encounter with the Keystone Konstruction Kompany

I couldn't agree more

Redheaded Armageddon

Not quite random request

Overheard

A house is a house....

Totally NSFW

As ice storms go...

Being snowed in...well, at least for Oregon

Dinosaur's First Snow

Entertainment....thatta way

Epic win

Coolest iPhone app I've yet seen.

If I had a Roomba, I think my cats would do this.

Change in commenting policy

Gratuitous baby photos, November edition

Well, that was fun.

And the vote is in!

This should have been done long ago...

Huh? *scratches head*

Of Trolls

My best friend and I, in a nutshell.

Badass Of The Week

Overheard

Freakin' hippies, I tell ya

Low posting anticipated

Contrast & compare

Fun with the phone company

Stupid criminal tricks

Gratuitous baby photos

New button thingy on the right.

Warning Label Fail

Overheard

Rachel says cats are assholes

Random bits

Two bits of awesome

Things that make me stabby

Obama campaign in violation of CAN-SPAM

Of Poo and Parenting

End of a long day

World, meet baby. Baby, meet world

Incoming!!!!

Back and forth, redux

heh

Since I can't improve on it...

Keeping it classy

The more I see of Obama, the less I like

Back and forth

Good time at the beach

Kid perspectives

'Nudder baby update, and Overheard

Tagged

Baby update

Obama campaign responds!

Fun with commenters

Are you fucking kidding me????

Disclaimer, repost

There is a God

Statecraft I can get behind

About that scarf...

Laptop update

In praise of McDonald's

Most awesome suspenseful moment ever

Smackdown the way it should be done.

Catastrophe

Great definition

Disturbing mail

Overheard

Presented without comment

Overheard

Oh, now this is bad news.

Overheard

Yes....we do care.

Overheard

A truly rare opportunity.

Take that, Rachel Lucas!

Muah ha ha ha haaaa

Huh? scratches head